Playing chess with sharks

I have a very big idea. Which might mean it’s a great idea, or it might mean it’s a terrible idea. Like the paleo porridge above? OMG heaven!!!

But it’s fun to incubate an idea. The next bit of fun will be to run the numbers, then, if the numbers work, go sell it. Man, I love sales.

Maybe it’s the air in Joburg that makes me go all woozy in the head. We are at altitude after all!

But also I really do like it up here. I like the hills and the trees and that it feels BIG. Cape Town is too small sometimes, and it’s also so beautiful that it’s like a fairy tale. People aren’t meant to live in such a place, fairies and unicorns are.

Probably more importantly, there are a lot of people that I like up here. Even though some of my faves were in Taiwan this trip, there are friends and acquaintances that I really wish I could see more often. It’s also that whenever I’m up here I learn at least one, if not several, valuable pieces of information. This visit has, so far, been no less mind-expanding.

Plus, since the CrossFit Regionals is upcoming, this has been less of a normal visit and more of a chance to catch up with some CrossFit friends: Lorinda & Branco (who did manage to teach me bar muscle ups and help my squat clean) and let me get to see lovely Krugersdorp in the dark and their awesome gym in a high school, bringing back memories of my own boarding school days, and the legend that is Richard Smith, who let me come and do some overhead squats at his gym. Coach may have told me not to go heavy but I still hit a new PB by 6kgs.

Someone did ask me what I was good at in CrossFit. I struggled to think of a single thing, other than, come to think of it, strict muscle ups! Makes up for my lousy kipping ones. No, it doesn’t. But that’s not really the point; we do specialise in not specialising. So I’m not good at anything per se but I’m decent at everything, although any good CrossFitter will be able to tell you their long list of things they’d like to be better.

You know I can only have fun if I don’t take this thing too seriously. The point is to push myself. I guess. Yeah I am a little banged up. Yeah it’s at altitude. Yeah there’s a chance my shoulder will give out and I’ll DNF in the first day. Shit happens. Heck if that happens at least my brain will be in better shape for my 9am Monday meeting (WTF was I thinking …. Oh yeah, sales. That.).

But you know what? I’m going go out there and do the best I can. In preparation for that, I’ve been sleeping 9 hours a night all week. I feel amazing. I won’t about five minutes into Jackie but whatever.

It’s like that lovely song that’s been all over the radio … I’m going to be an optimist about it. Why not? Always smile. You win some, you lose some.

And taking a page out of the book of my favourite vendor I am not seeing, sometimes the best way to win the war is to strategically lose a battle. Oh, you want to go with that cheaper option? Have fun with that.

It’s actually great. People are much more likely to learn by making a mistake than if you tell them the right answer. True story.

But on the other side, if you have a good idea and can figure out how to pull it off, you can maybe even win the battle before a single shot is fired.

If. The world runs on ifs.

It also runs on what might have beens. Those are my worst.

I’m starting to realise one thing, and that thing is that I am definitely not playing in the kiddie pool.

Time to go crush it.

• “So what are you good at? Besides strict handstand pushups?” “Ummmmmm. Nothing, really.” – David & Ellie
• “It’s amazing what people will pay you to do.” – Lance
• “You also can’t tell them too soon.” – Lance
• “When others don't see what you see, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.” – J
• “People underestimate him. But not me. I don’t underestimate him.” – Branco
• “Ag! Nee!” – Lorinda (we were talking about talking behind other peoples’ backs)
• “I know what to look for and why to look for it.” – Harsheen
• “I think a lot of people in this company don’t realise we’re playing hockey.” – Kian
• “He can be a bit …” “…vindictive?” “You said it, I didn’t.” – Ellie & Doug
• “Wouldn’t it be nice to crush them?” – Doug (Yes. Yes it would.)
• “It was a bit scary actually. I could have put together those slides myself.” – Ellie
• “Just don’t stop.” – Richard (easy for him to say … he’s a machine!!)
• “Whenever I get too serious I take a week off.” – Richard
• “They call it re-marketing. They don’t call it creepily following you around.” – Andrew
• “It’s a good idea. The question is how to make it a valuable idea for you, and not a valuable idea for Ken.” – Andrew
• “So yeah I feel great right now but I know that in a week I won’t be able to think. Or walk. Sometimes I wonder why I do this!” – Ellie
• “I hope this is not incorrect.” – Stefan 

Practicing for the test

There’s learning and then there’s test preparation. Two different things. One is general, the other specific.

I’ve never been that good at taking tests, to be honest. Not like my genius brother at least, who scores in the 99^th percentile on standardised tests. But then again, it’s not really fair to compare yourself to an outlier. I’ve always been better at common sense, at least when I’m paying attention.

So a CrossFit competition is a sort of a test. What I like about it is that it kind of forces me out of my comfort zone as I discovered at Fittest in Cape Town. 95% effort is not good enough. Yes, you go out too hard, you redline, you die … but you know, you do know what is too hard and what is not. At least, you do at sea level.

There comes this time of year when the folks at CrossFit HQ, aka the cult Mothership, announce the Regional workouts. They are standardised for the whole world, so they are announced a bit in advance of the first competition. There are a bunch of different regions and the regional competitions are held over four weeks.

Long story short, they recently announced the Regional workouts and since then, most of our training has been preparing for this competition. It seemed like it was longer last year, and maybe it was …. Or maybe I was just stressing over that 32kg dumbbell to the point of near obsession.

This year I’m much more chilled, which is weird because I’m competing individually which is more strenuous physically and probably emotionally, too. Depends on how your teamwork is, but last year I was very close to at least two of the three boys on my team and I felt the emotional support and also stress of having to deliver my part for the team.

Anyway, suffice to say I’m already sick of chest-to-bar pullups, and as much as I enjoy competing and the whole song & dance that goes along with it, in a way I’m looking forward to it being over. When practicing burpee muscle ups this week I did three then on the fourth my right shoulder collapsed and I very nearly fell out of the rings forward. Not even sure what happened but it was scary.

The production quality they are bringing to Regionals actually does make me feel like what I got accused of being a few months back, namely a semi-pro athlete. That’s all well and good, and I’m a lot healthier than I was going into Regionals last year. And yet, I know what would do me best is about two weeks of strict rest and rehab on my shoulder. Rest is part of the programme, too.

I must admit to feeling a bit disorganised in the head this last week. I blame my laptop. It’s hard when you live most of your correspondence life in email, and all of a sudden your emails aren’t where you want them, and half your files are only in the cloud because it takes days for everything to download. The cloud is great when you can get to it, but when you can’t it’s quite frustrating.

Starting to feel like I’m really on to something, though, and just needing to tick some things off the list, put them behind me, and stop wondering if my big crazy ideas are going to work and start trying them out. If you’re going to think, may as well think big.

It’s like that Steve Prefontaine quote that I love so much: ‘The only good pace is a suicide pace, and today’s a good day to die.’

Speaking of thinking big, I had the pleasure of spending much of Sunday with my friend Riaan, who runs a company that is on to some big things. And we had the pleasure of an amazing paleo lunch in about five different colours, many flavours of coconut, and lots of coffee. But what I enjoyed the most was getting in on the strategy and getting to contribute my thoughts to it (one or two of which were apparently quite well taken).

Of all my loves, strategy is probably the biggest one, followed closely by business development. Mostly because these are the ones where you need to be able to see the pieces in the puzzle. I can fall out of bed almost and put together a decent operations plan, so easy to me means not very challenging means not very interesting.

Business development on the other hand requires an ability to think on the fly and figure out quickly whether or not something is going to work in practice or not.

OK, the ones that might work are mights. That’s what makes it fun. But the ones that won’t work, those I can see from a mile away.

As I was saying last night after dinner, the innovation isn’t always the what, it’s the go to market approach (aka the how).

Not unlike the strategy of how to attack a workout like one with 100 chest-to-bar pullups. It’s not all about beautiful gymnastics or brute strength or pushing through pain. I’m still trying to figure out the demon that makes me compete. Maybe when I figure it out is when I can retire from my competitive career.

Not that I’m in any hurry. At least when it comes to that.

• “It’s that very thing that will make your company successful.” – Riaan
• “Come on, Ellie. You know you want to work for us.” – … doesn’t that sound like a cult?
• “This is all coming together nicely.” – Rudolph
• “You teach me how to open my hip and I WILL clean 90!” – Ellie
• “If you think that hurts your arms wait until you’re lunging with an axle in the front rack.” – Chris
• “He answered an email? He must really want to come to Cape Town.” – Ellie
• “Leave no gaps.” – Lance
• “Business is all about dealing with disgruntled people.” – Doug
• “The first thing to do is plug it in and hope it doesn’t catch on fire.” – Craig
• “If it spins up it should be fine.” – Craig
• “Yeah, your drive really is f*cked hey.” – Craig
• “That’s overuse.” – Bryony
• “Support? What support?” – Matt
• “If a computer could have a Freudian slip it would be that.” – Ellie
• “We could just harpoon people as they walk by.” – Claudia
• “To tell the truth … no, it’s not.” – Shirfu
• “Yes. I can tell.” – Kim
• “Oh really? Well that completely changes the situation. That means we have the power.” – Ellie
• “He said the meeting went really well. But I haven’t spoken to him.” – Doug
• “I mean it's not like hitting a moose. But you don't want to hit a porcupine.” – Ellie
• “And it wouldn’t even feel good!” – Kara 

Laptop death, Burger King, and drama

Laptop death. All I have to say is thank God for Dropbox. I lost some stuff but it wasn’t the catastrophe that it would have been were it not for automated backups. Probably the worst loss was my CrossFit workout log, which I had saved on my desktop which, oddly enough, was not backed up to Dropbox.

That and my meeting notes from a two-hour Saturday session with an interesting prospect. Oh well, thank goodness for the old gray cells.

I lost a blog post somewhere in there as well. It probably wasn’t that interesting anyway because my state of mind was not that good. I was stressed.

I was stressed because I was structuring my life in an unhealthy way despite knowing better. Even at the qigong lecture we were learning about the difference between body, intellect, and spirit/soul. You cannot just train two and neglect the third.

It’s like when you know you shouldn’t eat the chocolate cake but you do it anyway. Yes, yes, yes.

So my laptop is still in the shop, I’m running off an old one, nothing is where I want it, and I’m even further behind. But I’m less stressed about it.

I think it may actually have been bad karma or something. But man the day it happened I was a wreck. Stressed to begin with, and this did not make me happy, one little bit. But it may just have been the kick in the ass I needed.

In the last week or so since I posted, a lot happened.

My friend Kara came to visit me (and South Africa!) from Chicago.

We went away for the weekend to Montagu.

I finally saw Cape Agulhas (the southernmost point of the Africa continent.

Jeremy had his first American shows, in LA and NYC. So happy to see him on the trajectory he’s on.

A piece of my feedback made it into new draft regulations from the national regulator.

A new employee started at Skyrove.

We won the Burger King account, I had my first Burger King burger (before the store opened, just because I could), then went to CrossFit and wanted to puke. Well, 3x30 wall balls with a men’s weight ball is hard enough if you haven’t just eaten something you’re not used to.

Three of the girls at my gym got their first muscle ups, and I got my first non-false grip strict muscle up.

There was a Justin Bieber concert. No I didn’t go to it. But I had a laugh about it. In New England, you see, at certain times of year we would plan our day around expected snowfall: ‘I have to leave before the roads get bad.’ In Cape Town on that day it was: ‘I have to go before they close all the roads for the Justin Bieber concert.’

I went to a friend’s housewarming party.

I TWICE had dinner with some other friends I hadn’t seen in ages. Different sets of friends. Amazed they are still friends with me.

I met some very cool creative boys, and drooled over data on two different occasions. I WISH.

Made my sales guy happy a month later than he would have liked, but I think we now have a formula that works. Slowly, slowly, re-working things as I’d like.

One lesson that’s hard for me to learn, as a perfectionist, is that my version of perfect is not the only one. What for me is imperfect might be perfect to someone else. I somehow never thought of it that way. But it also comforts me to know that little glitches aside, I’m on the right path. Outlook is everything.

Hes came by Cape CrossFit on Saturday and for some reason I looked at her and said that the reason she always looks so good is that she’s happy. I mean, sure, she’s also gorgeous. But she’s nice, and she’s happy, and loving life. And she said well of course. You really have two choices in life: you can be happy or unhappy.

And of course, she’s right. But when you’re in the depths of unhappiness or stress, it’s hard to see your way out.

So. Burger King. I had wanted this one ever since I heard they were coming to South Africa. I had actually not been out selling that much myself since my sales guy started being so awesome, because I was busy with a bunch of other stuff. But I learned a couple things along the way and the new approach I’m taking really seems to be working.

What a super group of people to be working with, and this is not the first time in my career I’ve had Burger King as a client. So it’s back to familiar territory for me. It is hard to explain, to people not in South Africa, how much attention this has gotten. It was the first Burger King to open not only in South Africa but in all of Africa. They gave away free Whoppers to the first 1,000 people in line, and there was a very long line as you can see from the photos. It was great fun for me to get to go there and be a part of it, I’m not going to lie.

Also this week they revealed the workouts for the CrossFit Regionals. You’ll hear all about them, don’t worry. But you know what? I can actually do all of the exercises in them.

There are rope climbs and 61kg squat cleans, 50 handstand pushups, 100 chest-to-bar pullups; dumbbell snatches, pistols, burpee muscle ups, and an overhead squat ladder. And the only thing I’m worried about is how my double-unders still suck and how high on the rings I land in my muscle ups.

I was telling some of the girls at the gym the other day about how I didn’t know if I could snatch that 32kg dumbbell last year and even until that day I had never done it on the left arm, and I failed the first two or three attempts on that arm and I could see the concern on the face of my teammate, my judge, and I could almost feel the worry of the crowd. But I did my 10 reps, and that taught me that I could do things I didn’t know I was capable of.

You know what? I have one and only one goal, and that is to push myself out of my comfort zone. I have no illusions about winning; I have too many weaknesses right now.

But I sure as hell am going to give it all I’ve got, same as I pretty much always give everything.

Now, back to these contracts.

• “Are they out of their minds?” – Stefan
• “For me, smashing is the ultimate.” – Grant
• “It’s paleo. No. No it’s not. Not at all.” – Ellie
• “I don’t start small.” – Ellie
• “What about kidney?” – Shirfu
• “Do you want to eat my fat?” “Absolutely.” – Kara & Ellie
• “Oh my God. You’re right. The Wi-Fi really does suck!” – Kara
• “Well, it starts with a three rep max overhead squat.” “I hate when they do that.” “You don’t even know what I’m talking about, do you?” “No.” – Ellie & Adam
• “It’s in Montagu.” “Montague Gardens. Not the same thing.” – Adam & Tim
• “You’re a really good client when it comes to feedback because you actually give feedback.” – Sam (some things just blow my mind)
• “Never let me say you never do anything for me. I never say that, do I?” – Ellie
• “I was looking at photos of Justin Bieber today – WAIT. That came out wrong.” – Ellie
• “You can do a burpee. You can do a muscle up.” – JP
• “I’m sorry. Sometimes I talk to myself when I’m importing data.” – Ellie
• “How can a legal obligation be a gesture of goodwill?” – Ellie
• “Well obviously you don’t!” – Dale
• “How did you think of that??” – Bronwyn (healthy right brain)
• “It’s a bit surreal.” – Claudia
• “It’ll be good for you.” – Conrad
• “it’s all in your head.” “Vertigo?” – Sebastian & Ellie
• “Maybe you can say a kitten up a tree was been attacked by an evil North-Korean chef and you threw a Ruckus AP at the Korean Chef and saved the kitten and they all lived happily every after.” – Mike
• “I’m sorry. Did you just say Herschelle Gibbs was wearing an entire outfit in that colour orange?” – Ellie
• “So do you also think he’s a porn addict?” “Yeah. Heavy.” – Ellie & Adam
• “We should be forgetting about the bloody pie. We should be setting up the bakery.” – Christiaan  
• “That’s a pretty incriminating photo. Good thing you’re a CEO.” – Kara (she hadn’t seen the photo, but she knows the boys involved)
• “I don’t think they have a war right now so you’re fine.” – Kara
• “There’s some rice.” “No, I need to lose weight.” “No, it’s cauliflower.” – Kara & Aya
• “I’m quite a nerd, actually.” “Well, you don’t look like one!” – Ellie & Aya

Radio waves

So on Monday, Henk taught me about TV white space (TVWS). Why does this matter? Well firstly because it’s TVWS that’s taking me into Africa for the first time later this month. Secondly, because he started off by explaining, as one does, some of the basics of radio frequencies and in doing so he drew some squiggly lines.

You’ve all heard of infra-red and ultra-violet? Well, infra-red waves are long and slow, and ultra-violet are short and fast. Which do you think goes further?

It’s kind of the RF equivalent of slow & steady wins the race. Although CrossFit has taught me that slow and steady does NOT win the race, I love the analogy because what it does show is the harm of peaks & troughs.

So you eat sugar and you spike your insulin then it crashes then you’re hungry. Oops. Or you get overly excited by each new prospect, or possibility, or fad, or whatnot. Stay the course. Stay the damned course. Unless the course is wrong; then change it.

I let some data change my course recently, but I’m happy with that. The worst thing is to have a blind spot. I’m sure I do have them, but what really worries me is knowing that we have a cognitive bias towards consistency, not course-correcting when necessary. I would rather admit that I was wrong than fiddle while Rome burns.

Monday morning I was going up a stairwell, with some speed, in a building that should probably be a hard-hat zone and the lifts were broken. Coming down the stairwell was a construction worker with a 2x4 just at forehead level. Only my reflexes saved a massive collision. No the universe isn’t out to get me. But man, sometimes you dodge a bullet.

I’m somehow feeling much more relaxed about, well, pretty much everything. There is some cognitive overload that comes from having a lot on your plate and I made good progress on a large number of things on Sunday, including wrapping my head in ever more detail around our customer database. I had 15 things I wanted to get done, and I got 11 done. That’s actually not too bad. And, it means I set my goal high enough.

This notion of pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is interesting because it’s way harder to do than we think. Signing up for the CrossFit Regionals as an individual was one of those things. Jumping off a cliff in a way, and as much as I felt very left out listening to the team meeting on Wednesday, I am also very glad for the decision.

There was an online blog post somewhere about performance anxiety. I normally don’t get any; but there are times that I do. The distinction is how uncomfortable am I. When I was in elementary school we had this performance art guy come coach us through writing & performing our own play. One of the things he said that really stuck was that there’s a difference between being embarrassed and being humiliated. Being embarrassed is fine. Being humiliated is not.

If there’s no time to think or if it’s ‘just’ a tough workout I love competition with or without an audience. If it’s something I think I might suck or fail at, that’s a whole other worry, as I discovered last year with that dumbbell snatch workout.

I was reading another thing that said you should ask yourself a question: why do I compete? And then ask yourself the why to that question. I have been thinking about this a lot, and I actually have no answer. It’s more complicated than that it pushes me further than I’d push myself. It’s more complicated than that I’m competitive and I want to show off.

At this point, being a competitive CrossFitter is part of how I define myself. But why? And must it be that way? For this I have no answer, and doing something without knowing why is strange, no? I got into it to lose weight and get into better shape. I remember this one overhead walking lunge workout I couldn’t even complete in the time cap. And now I can do things with my body that I used to think were impossible for me. I was telling someone recently that you can really do anything you set your mind to. It’s just a question of how much practice it takes to get there.

I think the closest I’ve gotten is that my demon is the couch potato. It scares me to think I might go back to that, so I define myself as the opposite of what I don’t want to be, and being a competitive athlete just gives me motivation. Eat ice cream weekly, don’t look so good in the mirror, don’t finish so well in competition. That much is simple.

It’s also that I know I’m not getting any younger and part of me is so jealous of the younger girls; not because I’d want to be young again, goodness no, and lose the wisdom of age (I’m finally starting to understand the wisdom of age!). But that my body can’t recover as fast, maybe it’s easier to learn gymnastic things at a younger age, etc., etc. I know like all competitive athletes that I have a limited career, so you don’t want to waste it.

It’s a fear of falling behind as much as a fear of not accomplishing what I might be capable of if I only gave it a chance. It’s so easy to cop out. It’s not easy to stick your neck out. Which is the next thing: getting out of your comfort zone. Competition does that to me. And that’s also a good thing. Whatever floats your boat I suppose.

Wednesday was a public holiday. Workers Day. In America we celebrate this day in September as Labour Day, and actually it’s interesting. Like the 4^th of July, Labour Day is normally about the food. Not so much so in South Africa. This one isn’t National Braai Day. But both are autumn holidays and, if you’re lucky, the weather cooperates.

I actually took the day mostly off; hiked Table Mountain in the morning. Absolutely stunning, from the sunrise to the light on the mountain to the fog rolling over the city. It’s so easy when you live in a place like this to take it for granted. But the weather was perfect, and I mean perfect. Sunny and warm, but not hot. A perfect autumn day.

But it is spectacular. The mountains, the air, the sea, the proteas. I saw blooming King proteas in the wild, and Lions Head from directions I’d never seen. The hike was fun; we went up the India Venster route which involved some scrambling up rocks, which made it much more fun. Then Sindy & I caught the last breakfast order at Sandbar before I hit the gym for some fun with snatching. It’s always a good day when your snatch balance feels better than your overhead squat!

Until the Regional workouts are announced I am trying to work on my weaknesses, yes, but really I’m just having fun. I work on something gymnastic-y every day after class, and on this day which was essentially open gym for me I did another non-unilateral-type workout, this time with kettlebell snatches and overhead squats.

Unfortunately, I know what will happen when the workouts are announced. I will start to fantasise about the ones that are in my wheelhouse, and stress about the ones where I am not proficient at what I have to do.

Maybe this is where the keep calm and carry on comes in. Well, that and sort out my shoulder.

I’m looking forward to May and June though. I’m lining up some very cool stuff at work from the supply side to the marketing side to the product side, and hopefully it will translate to more sales, of course. And then we have Regionals, my trip to Africa (Dakar, to be exact), the resumption of drinking season (some days I miss wine & whiskey), London, and a week’s leave. Summer in Europe.

Kind of like interval training: I enjoy life more when I’m overly busy followed by a chilled period. I wonder what sort of wave length that would be? Maybe not a wave then, but something like a heartbeat?

• “I think we’d have to drop the ball.” – Adam
• “Probably because he thinks he’s better than you.” – Adam
• “Wi-Fi is, by its very nature, not harmful.” – Henk (you had to understand the context!)
• “I guess not every day can be a good training day.” – Grant
• “You bargain like a Persian!” – Jalal (I’m hoping this is a compliment)
• “Ellie, how do you do that?” “What?” “Walk & talk at the same time?” – Rosica & Ellie
• “Looking forward to catching up on the Mediterranean.” – Zach 

Running with scissors

Maybe I should have titled this ‘running with a barbell overhead.’

So we know by now that I don’t handle lack of sleep well. That last weekend was a massive sleep deprivation nightmare, followed up by a late night plane trip back to Cape Town where I was so exhausted that I couldn’t even understand the telecoms industry report I was trying to read. So exhausted that I bought a chocolate bar for the sugar rush. Not so much because I needed it to stay awake, but because I was so tired I couldn’t think, and there is nothing worse than three hours of boredom while waiting for your plane because you can’t understand your reading material.

I knew I was back in town when I was driving down De Waal Drive thinking about unit margins.

Two days of competition and my body was fine by Tuesday. My adrenals were not. I tried to train Wednesday, despite a severe lack of motivation, and as a result ripped both my hands open. At least when I woke up the next day still with no desire to train I took the day off. Finally Friday I had a proper training day.

Monday night’s acupuncture left me something approaching woozy. I don’t even remember what else happened that evening. Who needs alcohol when you have adrenal fatigue? You can also get that room spinning vibe from doing cartwheels, I discovered.

Bloody competition. That week after Regionals is going to be interesting, especially since I’ll be in Dakar, Senegal for part of it. My first trip to Africa! Thank goodness for long plane rides on which to catch up on sleep.

So, training is a balance. You must balance between training not hard enough and too hard, between training all around and working on your weaknesses.

Work is the same thing. You must balance a lot of different things. What I am trying to do right now is a balance of management, systems design, sales, product management, business & channel development, product marketing, branding, human resources, and goodness only knows what all else. I am lucky that I have a committed team and some awesome vendors, one of which has endeared itself to me even further by sending me unsolicited awesome insights.

So one of the teams at the competition (oddly, not the one that nearly injured me for life), was apparently yanking the 45kg barbell overhead and then using the barbell’s momentum to pull them forward (it was supposed to be an overhead carry). A little bit dangerous, right? Well, that’s kind of how I feel sometimes. Life of a small company CEO in a fast-changing, very competitive industry.

Bryony was saying something about how soccer players’ bodies get all messed up because of the constant, sharp changes of direction. Think: you have all this momentum going one way, then suddenly you have to change. That’s the very definition of stress. Now of course, the bigger they are, the harder they fall, too.

I woke up a few times in the week a bit suddenly. The one morning I dreamed I was hugging someone and it was the best feeling in the world because there was love, and support, and everything was going to be ok. Then I woke up. It’s that old double-sided inverted pyramid thing that Riaan and I commiserate about. Not that you’d want it any other way, but man it’s tough sometimes always having to be the one with all the answers.

It’s this independent streak in me. I do NOT like to be told what to do; we know that. But sometimes, and only sometimes, I wish I had someone I could just tell everything to who would help me share the burden. Or, so says my subconscious.

Maybe it’s also the wake of the Boston bombings. It was surreal in a way to be watching my old home on lockdown, on TV, from Johannesburg. South Africa. Seeing the trees do their springtime thing, and my friends post photos of cherry blossoms and status updates of ‘I’m ok.’ Hectic; perhaps more so than I let myself admit.

Anyway amongst all the frenzied activity, I’ve discovered something that needs to be re-prioritised. I also have an interesting balancing act to do. Something like the overhead kettlebell pistols I’ve been practicing. Those are funny because I can get down but then I fall over backwards.

I think the highlight of the week, in a way, was spending quality time with Doug & Henk, who is briefly in town. Great feedback from the both of them; mostly positive and encouraging but some critical, and that’s good. The only way to keep yourself from fooling yourself is to have someone there to point out the stuff you don’t want to see. It was excellent also to hang out with Henk at the 27dinner. Last time we’d done that was August, before I started. Seems like a lifetime ago.

This week also held the 88mph Demo Day, which led to some other very interesting discussions with friends old & new. It’s amazing the great ideas other people contribute to your business if you just take the time to listen!

Speaking of time, this would have been awesome vacation weather. Indian Summer that I thought was gone was back with a vengeance. It was 30 degrees some of the days in the week. Insanity. It’s like summer days in the middle of autumn, and you really appreciate them at this time of year.

Hey there’s a lot to appreciate. I remember when Nathan used to bang on about appreciative inquiry, which I suppose I kind of think of as ‘building on strengths for children who can’t take criticism like grownups do.’ Not that there’s nothing to the ‘sandwich’ theory of giving constructive criticism, or nothing to be gained from focusing on your strengths as well as your weaknesses.

But you know what they say? Every cloud has a silver lining, and every silver lining has a cloud.

The glass isn’t half empty or half full. It’s both.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, but neither did it rot in a day.

Maybe drama queens have been annoying me recently. Keep calm & carry on.

• “Ellie! Your eyes! What happened to you??” – Bronwyn
• “What’s nice about it is that it’s not just a meaningless graphic.” – David
• “And if you really don’t trust them, send them a .jpg.” – David
• “If we can’t figure out Microsoft Word, we shouldn’t be installing your Wi-Fi.” – Ellie
• “The mind sometimes can’t understand the body.” – Byron
• “I’m still going to send you some reasons. I couldn’t think of any more on Friday.” – Stefan
• “We don’t want them to run out of Mikrotiks too.” – Tim
• “I think South Africa runs on hope.” – Henk
• “I sold him a firewall five minutes later.” – Jon
• “It looks like one of those safety manuals you have in the back of the airline pocket.” – Jeff
• “Here’s your hug!”  - Mike (I wish…)
• “Ellie! It could have broken your shin in half!” – Tash
• “Don’t worry about competition.” – Michael
• “I thought all girls liked doing their hair.” – a CrossFit newbie
• “Well, you look good training.” – same newbie
• “Why would you want to do a triple under?” – Graham (why indeed!)
• “CrossFitters are masochists.” – Louise
• “When I can you know I will.” – David
• “When I say pornography I mean data.” – Georgina
• “Did you hear us?” – Tim
• “I’m tired.” “You’re a startup CEO!” – Ellie & Justin
• “I also waited until the last minute because I’m passive aggressive like that.” – Ellie
• “If I’d known it was with ________, I would have dressed more nicely!” “I think your talking does the dressing for you.” – Ellie & Adam
• “Too early for a high five?” – Adam (apparently my talking did the trick)
• “And I never shot a bird again.” – Elan
• “Something about how we must never fool ourselves.” “But we all fool ourselves, all the time.” “True.” – Jo & Ellie