Opportunity cost

Some things you do because you have to. Some things you do because you want to. Some things you do just because you can.

Memorial Day, now that I’m old enough to understand it’s not just a holiday where you BBQ and wave flags around if you are so inclined, is partly about that realisation and appreciation. You might think your life sucks. Millions of people would kill for your life.

I might whine because I keep getting injured and am slow to heal when it’s, you know, a major muscle group and I’m damn lucky I didn’t slip a disk or snap my spine in half. But then again, a lot of people aren’t even as lucky to be alive and in reasonably good health and worried about such things as not being able to work on some weaknesses because I’m still too injured.

Ennui is hectic huh?

The week got off to a bad start when my body literally prevented me from doing the workout that I wanted to do. That or it was the cold, which prevented me from warming up even after running ONE MILE. It’s not supposed to be THAT DAMN COLD on Memorial Day, damn it. Well, the good news is I was relatively fresh for the workout that evening …. That somehow wound up hurting my back. I blame the handstand pushups.

Luckily the work week has, so far, been better as I prepare for the massive onslaught of North American summer interns, and discussing a potential collaboration with a Toronto-based consulting firm. My Skype account has been busy.

The cat import drama continues. One of those Catch-22 situations: the South African regulations allow cats in the cabin, if the airline allows it. No airlines allow it (well, none of the ones I called at least), because they claim the South African regulations don’t allow it. Then you try and call to book an airline ticket and are told you must contact the cargo department, and the number you are given is actually the lost & found at Cape Town international airport, who tell you to call the same main reservations line that just referred you there. It’s like chasing your tail. No pun intended. I think I may have finally reached a breakthrough, though. What an utterly crazy situation.

Almost as hilarious as the mailing address for SARS (South African Revenue Service). And now, as it turns out, a whole bunch of us in the office don’t have South African taxpayer IDs. Including at least one of the South Africans. This isn’t like a Social Security number, apparently. So now we all have to go wait in a queue that apparently takes half a day to get through. Well, there’s safety in numbers I suppose. And now that I think of it, I bet my car registration expires at the end of the month. This is what happens in a world without automatic email reminders from the RMV!

I didn’t feel like I accomplished much last week until I looked at my to-do list and I’d actually gotten a decent amount done. Perception and reality don’t always match, hey. Case in point, I got the most beautiful email from our ex-intern Nicole, who I thought was a real rock star. Smart, diligent, with good instincts. Didn’t always necessarily trust herself enough but that comes with time. And, she was our HR intern which is not an area that I have any interest whatsoever …. I find it absolutely dreadful, I’ll be honest. Here is what she said:

‘I can only hope that whoever my next boss may be, is as awesome and understanding as you are...and maybe just a little less intimidating :)

But seriously, if it wasn't for you I would have ended up being a nameless paper pusher in some huge Corp, stuck with menial tasks nobody wanted. You were always so sure that I was capable of doing anything, for some reason, which eventually made me believe it too. That's the main thing I will remember about you.’

And here I was putting her in charge of stuff that I knew she was capable of and I had no interest in. I had NO IDEA that I was empowering her in this way. And lest we think this is an ego trip, just the same as I’m sure I disempower other people, in other ways, all the time … and they never tell me that, either. Sometimes you can pick up on it, most of the time you are moving too fast to notice. Well people are always easier with complements than with constructive criticism, huh? Happy to criticize behind your back of course, but to your face not so much.

I personally do try to tell people when I think they are doing a good job, or when I’m just feeling thankful. But then I’m not the best at giving constructive criticism myself, probably because most people don’t necessarily want it, or aren’t ready for it, or it’s hard to catch them in the right mood. Like I was telling Jeff the other day: you really can’t control what other people are going to do. The hilarious thing was that someone walked right in front of my car just as I said that. Not kidding.

But choices: one of the best things Ed Boudrot ever taught me was that concept of a ‘to don’t’ list. You have to pick and choose the options you are going to leave on the table. You know, I rather like trail running. But I’m never going to be supremely good at it, firstly, and secondly, becoming good at it would actually be counterproductive to my current primary sport. These are some of the reasons I chose only to run a few of the races last summer. Underwater hockey sounds like a lot of fun. So, for that matter, does 100m hurdles, although the latter conjures up all sorts of images of all the various things that could go wrong …. hehe. But to be good at either of those things you need to dedicate a lot of time to technique, and every hour I spend doing that is an hour I’m not spending on something else.

And here’s the irony: one of the bits of CrossFit dogma is that we should regularly learn and play new sports. But who is that talking to? The hobbyist or the competitor? Well, I’m figuring out now what I do and don’t want to do, and more importantly, WHY.

It’s also a funny state to be in to know enough to be dangerous. They say doctors make the worst patients. I would say the same is true in a lot of things: business people don’t necessarily like consultants because they may have a different opinion. There’s a reason why even the best coaches won’t necessarily work well with all athletes. Sometimes personalities clash. There definitely has to be respect or all these relationships will be more difficult than they should be.

But geez it’s hard to know! How do you know when to trust and when you should trust the expert and when you might actually know better than the supposed expert? Is Rudy Neilson right when he says that “If the program is comprehensive, directed, and well planned, and the athlete is already fairly competent, there is almost never a need for ‘individualized’ programming.”? Or is one of the top sprint coaches in the Western Province, who coaches internationally-competitive athletes, correct when he says that “Athletes don’t all follow the same training program because their circumstances are different.”?

OK yes, I agree with the “The reason those 15 qualified and you didn’t, while using the same program, is because they move better than you. They are more efficient, produce more force, understand pacing better, recover better, and generally get more out of their bodies than most humans. The fact is, if you move like shit, you better get someone to fix you.” part of Neilson’s daily-rant-du-jour. Funny. And obviously if you’re not already ‘fairly competent’ better work to get there!

I don’t really like being told what I can and can’t do. I think I have a pretty realistic idea of what I can and can’t do, and other opinions are interesting but irrelevant. However, I do appreciate a straight shooter, and even a mentor who can help me where I most need help. Might be skill, or mental coaching. There is nothing quite as great as the beginning of a relationship with a new teacher, where you absorb the knowledge they give you before you run up against the limitations of their own knowledge and/or ability to teach.

My mother once told me that I don’t like learning, I like knowing. As a broad statement it’s largely true. I hate being completely inept at things, or when I keep trying and trying and trying and never get something. I like that feeling of being proficient, of KNOWING, of successfully DOING. Whether that’s a butterfly pullup or a market research survey or a soufflé, it’s a good feeling. But actually, I also like learning, tweaking, correcting. That feeling of finally ‘getting’ a kipping handstand pushup or a well-executed squat clean (as opposed to the ones where I land on my toes or nearly choke myself), those are beautiful things.

So now … I know what I want. What remains is to figure out whether I can do it.

• “I didn’t say they were actually assembling guns. I just said it looked like they were.” – Ellie
• “Toughen up, Princess!” – Jaco
• “It’s my true wish that no one would refer to me as ‘crazy psycho Anton.’” – Anton
• “He’s coloured. Does that count? Does coloured count as black?” – Ellie (gotta love the things BEE makes you say!)
• “You must not get your heart broken very often.” – Zaheer (his evidence? My professed infrequency of ice cream consumption)

Nobody likes a bully

Especially when the bully is bigger than you and has things easier in every respect, and actually seems to take a perverse pleasure in hitting you when you’re down.

Maybe I should rephrase: no one likes to see a bully win. But you know that’s the way of life. Bullies do often win. And some people are just not nice, which always comes to me as a bit of a surprise. There are plenty of people I find boring or tiresome or arrogant or annoying (the list could go on), but it does always somehow surprise me.

Misdirection is an interesting one, too: he that doth protest too much is hiding in plain sight. You’re insecure so you act arrogant. You’re dodgy to your core so you proclaim you’re not evil. Same thing, right? There’s nothing in this bag. These are not the droids you’re looking for. So maybe there aren’t any such things as really mean people, just really insecure people.

It was a frustrating end to the week. I need more distractions at work like I need a hole in the head. It was absolutely nutty the degree to which I was unable to get ANYTHING done because someone was constantly coming at me wanting something. Much as I love open plan in some ways, I surely miss having my own office. Actually there’s quite a few things I have been missing about software, lately. But something’s gotta give before my head explodes.

Speaking of things I miss, sometimes I allow myself to be distracted like when I spent a good hour on chat with the too-clever-by-half Michael Trupiano. I really, REALLY miss this guy. We used to live in Boston together and he moved to Chicago around the time I came to Cape Town. Some of my most vivid memories of my time in Boston involve Mike, and we only really got to know each other for the last few months we lived there.

And speaking of quotes, one of the funniest things I think anyone has ever said to me (we were at a brew pub in Indiana, and these guys we met at the bar were trying to persuade us to stay for another drink, and I was explaining that it wasn’t up to me because I wasn’t the driver): “Your friend there …. He looks like he’d be a good drunk driver!” Good times.

Anyhow Mike is living the dream, and by this I mean he is literally living one of my dreams. This fall he’s going to go to one home gameof every NFL team, and tailgate. I even have a cameo in their video. Ahhh, tailgating. And football. But that concept of road trip + football. I wasn’t kidding when I told him that I was so jealous I could spit. But I promised I wouldn’t. I would so love to join them for that awesome epicness. But hey, good also for him for actually doing something like this that all sorts of people talk about but never do. 

I’ve been having this nagging guilty feeling for a couple of days now and I’m not sure why. I haven’t actually done anything wrong, at least not more wrong than doing heavy-ish back squats, double-booking myself, having a few glasses of wine, and eating ice cream. Maybe I’m feeling guilty by proximity. Who knows? It was weird actually to be drinking on Long Street, I must admit. Got that out of my system, as much fun as it was (because it wound up being pretty epic I must say!).

In more wholesome news, the back half of the week contained an interesting meeting of my women’s media group, which has become just as enjoyable for the company as for the subject matter. I’ve met some super amazing and smart women this way. The subject this time was digital vs print, and what really got me thinking was how print is definitely a push medium whereas the internet can be both. I wanted to research the Westside Barbell conjugate method and Google was very helpful, but Facebook has taken the place of Boston.com as one of my main sources of news. I’m not actually sure I should be admitting to that. I think a few brain cells just died.

I had a nice weekend. I ate at Sandbar both days, so hey. Also, Katharine was in town this weekend. Apparently living in Joburg makes you really appreciate Cape Town. Who knew?

It was great to see her, though, as always. Next weekend she runs Comrades, an ultramarathon 90kms long. That just completely blows my mind. Speaking of blowing my mind, dinner Friday night: lamb burgers, beef burgers, guacamole, salad, sweet potato fries wrapped in bacon, oh and dessert was paleo chocolate brownie with fresh raspberries, doused in coconut milk.

For a combination of reasons, I’ve been talking about America a lot lately, and the differences between America and South Africa. Things like right on red, never calling someone ‘coloured,’ that ‘shame’ doesn’t have quite the same meaning at all, and turns of phrase that are uniquely South African (such as: “Do you want anything to drink so long?”. When I pay attention to how I speak now, I realise all the little ways that I’ve changed even though my accent remains the same (or at least, I still sound American!). Kind of like the strangeness of the seasons being reversed, it just makes you appreciate all the little details of yourself and everyone around you.

Speaking of details, I’m discovering that situation is kind of everything. I had one of those you-just-have-to-laugh-at-yourself moments this week at the gym. We were doing some workout where you had to go from dips to a static overhead hold, which of course required getting the bar overhead. The dips strained my back so that it felt really tight, but I thought it wasn’t so bad so I walked up to the bar, tried to clean it …. Got it about to my knees and dropped it. Stretched, tried again, got it to maybe mid-chest and dropped it. …. And Ellie misses a 43kg clean for the first time in over a year. Not once … but twice. In a row. Well, I found it funny.

But in general the back is doing great. I warmed up well and did some relatively heavy cleans on Saturday (hang power cleans, power cleans, then squat cleans). The workout looked a lot easier on paper than it turned out to be in practice but I hadn’t done any sort of moderately heavy clean for many MANY weeks since before my injury and I didn’t push it hard but I was back at the same thing that injured me. You have to get back on the horse at some point, right? The most important thing is that there was no fear, at least that I was aware of consciously. I may have some minor PTSD but not much I can do about that, I don’t think.

Speaking of thinking, I’m coming to the conclusion that I might also be a bit confused about what I want at the moment. There are a lot of potentially contradictory things going on in my head. I’ve never been one for blind faith but I’m a little bit unclear on my own goals.

I’ve been reflecting on my own thoughts, reactions, plans, and statements over the last few days. I’m a bit all over the show right now, so I guess that’s the first order of business. I think the core is there but the devil, as they say, is in the details. What is it that I like out of this? The variety (because there could always be more)? The competition (because there are other forms of competition)? The powerful beauty of a well-executed Olympic lift? The thrill of getting measurably stronger? The camaraderie of our ‘family’ of athletes? Yes, and?

And then you have that old question of self-identification. With what group or groups do I most identify, or most want to identify? CrossFitters? Competitors? Cape CrossFit? CrossFitters in the Western Cape? People I like? It’s like someone or other was telling me …. The competition isn’t the enemy. It’s just the competition. Is it actually a betrayal of sorts to sign up for a competition with another gym at a time when you were under the impression that your gym was boycotting said competition? He was half kidding but I think Jobst may actually have been a bit upset. You’d think he found out I was sleeping with the enemy or something!

I’ve always been loyal to a fault. When it actually matters, I’ll practically throw myself in front of a moving train for my group. Not that I’m incapable of being shortsighted, selfish, self-serving, and the rest. When I care about the competition I’d do almost anything to win. But even when I don’t, when I’m working in a team, quality matters. There is no easier way to disappoint me (well, other than blatant lying) not to pull your weight or try and fake your way through things. 

In any event, I have some stuff to figure out. I’m closer than I was a few hours ago, but still busy admitting things to myself that are a bit uncomfortable. You can’t rush that process.

As a fan, I’d rather watch football than rugby. But which would I rather play?

• “Almost like you've given a class of 10th graders free reign to build it.” – Mike
• “Well, I started the day by screaming at the painters and ended the day accusing [name omitted of course] of committing fraud and misrepresentation. So, I’ve had better days.” – Ellie
• “How would you use peculiar in a sentence?” – bartender at Sgt Pepper (what a peculiar question, we thought!)
• “You don’t say.” – Jaco
• “Canada … that’s part of America, right?” – Charles
• “I have 20 minutes left in Cape Town!” – Lex 

Who am I?

There is a philosophical theory known as determinism. It essentially says that while we might think that we have free will, our entire future is mapped out in advance. Different flavours of the theory are more dogmatic with regards to whether some divine order has laid everything out or whether our past experiences dictate our future decisions.

I must say, if it is in fact the case that our decisions are based on our experiences to date, maybe the determinists are right. If your future is like a giant decision tree, and the way you decide at every fork in the road is based on where you are in the tree and how you got there, and is therefore predictable, there is some merit to that theory.

Then again, if Jonah Lehrer has taught us anything, it’s that our decisions are not ‘unanimous’ but the conflict within our brains is masked by the time it gets to our conscious mind. Which of course makes me wonder: would I make the same decision twice? Or would I, faced by the same situation on two different days, respond in two different ways?

Hard to say, isn’t it, but I suspect the answer changes. Catch me when I’m already stressed out and I might bite your head off. Catch me when I’m more relaxed and I’ll give you a different response. Try and talk to me when I’m in competition mode and I won’t give you the time of day. Talk to me at any other time and I’ll be more friendly. Probably.

I once told someone that I’m like an onion. Get to know me better and peel the layers back. I think we all are. The question is, what are we at our core? Or are we even one thing, or does it change based on the circumstance?

Why I’ve been thinking about this is I’m wondering what I’m really like at the core … or again, are there just different aspects of personality that come out at different times? Someone was texting to me the other day that I intimidate the heck out of a number of people she knows, until they get to know me, then they realise I’m a sweetie at the core. But am I? I like to think I’m a good person, a nice person, but I have a pretty dark side. So … is perception reality? Or am I just fooling them? Or am I fooling myself, and I’m more nice than I am spiteful and selfish and vindictive?

Same person, same conversation (I love WhatsApp!), was commenting how I’m a super chilled and relaxed person. Which is not how I usually think of myself; I think of myself as a fast-moving highly-motivated driver (competitive much, right?). But I suppose I can be quite relaxed and chilled. Where you wanna go for dinner? I don’t care. What do you want to braai? I don’t care (long as it’s paleo).

So where does this leave me? As uncertain and complex as I was when I started. Boom.

Back? Feels pretty ok, although I probably overdid it yesterday. Tested it with some relatively heavy back squats. We were doing 5 rep max for day and I got up to 80% of my 1RM, before I ran out of time, but it was also good to be a liiiiitle bit careful. Then we were doing front squats to failure with a percent of that weight and WOW. Funny how your legs sometimes just won’t work … like trying to do split jerks after rowing 200m intervals. Hmm, imagine that. In happier news, I started practicing the butterfly kipping pullup and I’m rocking it … cranked out about 6 or 7 and only stopped because I was so excited that I was doing it (last few times I practiced, before my injury, I would completely lose rhythm after either 1 or 2 reps). Maybe once my back and ankle heal I’ll have the same magical improvement with my double unders.

Well hope springs eternal now doesn’t it?

In unrelated news, I’ve also been reflecting a bit on the dislike of CrossFit that seems at times to border on obsessive. Why do people hate it so much? Why do people love it so much?

Well … I think it’s the intensity of the thing. Most critiques of CrossFit that you read boil down to the trainers being shit, and people doing stupid things. Which is fair enough as far as it goes, except for that let me tell you I see some CRAZY stupid shit that the personal trainers at Virgin Active do. Like stupid useless and stupid dangerous. So if you can reduce the argument to people just don’t like bad trainers, fair enough. But hate the player not the game.

You can also dismiss it as jealousy of a formula that is successful (I think CrossFit gyms are now popping up as fast as Starbucks outlets at the peak of the Starbucks expansion … which should be a worry in its own right but that’s a whole other conversation). CrossFit has done a good job of turning exercising into a competitive sport, which is super weird when you think about it. But the combination of turning every workout into a mini-competition, and the camaraderie that forms around shared suffering in the form of group training is a pretty magical mix. Plus, the shit works.

But there’s more to it than that. I think it’s the intensity that turns a lot of people off. I mean, any brand that has cartoon characters for Pukie and Uncle Rhabdo is a bit strange. I wrote a while back about how I thought that being ‘WOD drunk’ (a state that resembles inebriation that comes from excessive exertion) was an urban legend until I experienced it. This is the CrossFit philosophy: with intensity comes results. But like anything, you can take it too far. It’s obviously up to the individual to figure out how far he or she wants to take it (again removing the shit trainers from the equation who might let newbies go too far too fast, because you can find shit trainers anywhere). It can be dangerous. It doesn’t have to be. But so is driving down the road, and have you watched a rugby game recently?

AND, form is important. This is one of my new goals in training is to focus on form more explicitly. I’m strong, and I get lazy, and my form suffers. But that’s a recipe for mediocrity, and it’s time to start walking the walk. Not sure without videoing myself how to what degree I succeeded but when we were doing hang power cleans in a metcon I specifically made sure I hang power cleaned the thing rather than just muscle cleaning it or reverse bicep curling it. Every time you do anything is a time when you can either create or re-enforce good neural pathways, or not-so-good ones.

So here’s to trying to be the best I can be at any given time. As I struggle to come to terms with my fans (this still amazes me …. big fish, small pond, that’s really all there is to it), one thing I will say is that in a way I’m a pretty cool role model. Why? Because I didn’t come to this sport as an ex-professional athlete or current professional athlete or ex-top SA performer in some form of athletic pursuit. I’m just a normal person who walked into a gym overweight and out of shape, just wanting to get healthy.

I’ve always wanted to be respected more for what I did than what natural talents I have (would I rather be lucky than good? Nope. Both!). So if people look up to me as an athlete, cool inasmuch as they should take inspiration from that if I can do it so can they. I’m more genetically gifted than some, sure, and less so than others. But hey as long as you’re having fun while doing it, that’s what matters most.

Speaking of fun, I’ve definitely been having some fun at work lately (despite some frustrations …. People can be hectic!!!!). The tunnel vision I had the beginning of this year is gone. I’m excited for new projects, new interns, and making sound business decisions. I LOVE some of my co-workers. Jeff’s way of thinking, Anton’s dry sense of humour, Hollie’s eternal cheer, Dean’s quiet determination, Jonathan’s undying passion and duty, Alex’s gentle thoroughness.

I feel a bit like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis. This is gonna be fun.

• “Well, I knew I had a dark side. I was just hoping that it didn’t show up as often.” – Jeff
• “Some people are just priceless!” – Jeff
• “You’re not really going to go to gym, are you?” – Jeremy
• “You have a strong mind but sometimes it can try and control you.” – Debbie
• “Calling him a bit strange is like calling me a bit athletic. …. Or Jeremy a bit musical!” – Ellie
• “Before you started CrossFit.” – Jeff (I was wondering out loud when was the last time someone had actually shouted at me)

Resilience

I guess sometimes it pays to listen. My back is healing like a champ, since I’ve been avoiding any sort of activity that strains it excessively. AND back to the boring old super strict diet because I now have a deal with my body. It has told me quite clearly the rules of engagement. Just one of those things, it is what it is. I can wish all day long I wasn’t so sensitive, but you can’t change certain things, and on the flip side if I treat it well it treats me well. Chutes & ladders man, chutes & ladders.

Maybe related, maybe not, but I’ve also been feeling more apathetic than normal. My body is making me take a break so I’m breaking, yes, but sort of in a calm-before-the-storm type way. I am extremely excited about the next few weeks/months. I have some super awesome friends, and I’m looking forward to my USA trip.

As soon as I manage to book it, that is. Since I’m bringing my cat back with me this time, I need to make sure that my ticket allows this form of carry-on. To wit, a summary of a real conversation with Lufthansa:

"Sorry, you can't bring your pet in the cabin for a flight to South Africa."

"Why?"

"Because the South African regulations don't allow it." (actually, they do)

"Yes, I know they can be a bit strange. I’ve spoken to the pet import authorities. If I were to give you a document from the South African pet import authorities saying that it would be allowed from their side, would you allow it?"

"No. It’s against airline policy."

“Because South Africa doesn’t allow it?”

“Right.”

"... all righty then."

The work week wrapped up on a few high notes as I finished a couple of things on Thursday that had been on my pile for a while, and Friday was HR day. A lot of the office was taken down with a stomach bug this week, which I avoided (happily). So many things on the to-do list, and now the time has come to start some new big projects. But, these are the very things that are our raison d’etre so it’s a good feeling, although a little bit scary.

Speaking of being scared, it’s not a feeling I particularly enjoy. Some people like horror movies and the like. Me, not so much. I actually get a bit of a rush about realising I’m about to do something scary and then just plowing ahead anyway. Adrenaline I like. Fear, not so much.

On Saturday I spent the day with the Ballistix crew in Somerset West. We started off the day with a completely ridiculous interval-training metcon. Absolute carnage, and an evil grin from Neil caught on camera. The more I get to know that man, the more I like him! Then a trip to Checkers where I was asked to play paleo police (not sure who died and put me in charge of the menu but there you go). Some of the things people asked about: olives, parsnips, corn, popcorn, butternut, baked beans, green beans, and bacon. Ha.

Fun crew though, in some ways a familiar perspective and in some ways very different. Each CrossFit gym is probably a bit like a company: it takes on its own personality (that probably in some ways resembles that of its leader). One of the more interesting topics was the behaviour of certain competitors. Obviously we all notice different things, and one thing that I was a bit shaken by in a bit is people commenting on how some of the competitors were trying to psych each other out. Nothing new under the sun of course but I was fascinated by this because when I compete I am so in my own zone that if someone were trying to psych me out I most likely wouldn’t notice. Which is probably a good thing, on balance. Goodness knows I missed quite a couple things at Regionals that were kind of right in front of my face, and I’m sure the same was the case at other competitions. You pay attention to what you choose to pay attention to.

A lot of gossip, a huge bowl of guacamole, roasted veg & braaied meat later, I headed back into town. A stop at Hollie’s place in Sea Point, followed up by chicken wings & red wine with Amy at Pancho’s (not a damn paleo thing on the menu …!), and some music by the Swingsetters before my bed called me. Sunday, I mainly recovered from Saturday. Slept in, which is one of my favourite things to do, met Tammy & Matt for lunch at Sandbar, then went to Canal Walk to do some shopping.

It’s been striking me recently just how much negativity there is out there. People sniping behind each others’ backs. Constructing strawmen. Distorting facts, maybe intentionally, maybe not. Shame, you can see the fear in some peoples’ eyes when you go poking around asking uncomfortable questions. It’s like Ingi was musing the other day … when you’re being manipulated, or in some way not true to yourself, some part of you knows it deep down. But we usually don’t want to admit this to ourselves.

Part of me sometimes wants to create certain confrontations, and part of me wishes everyone would just get along. Of course people gripe about you behind your back. If, on balance, people are saying more good than bad then you’re doing all right. But there are certain things you can’t control.  

I was wondering out loud the other night how it might be to go through life for a week actually THINKING about what I said before I opened my mouth. Can you resist the temptation to join in when someone says something negative about someone else … even when you agree with them? Or is that expectation even reasonable? 

We had been watching Snatch on Saturday but put on Kung Fu Panda when Neil showed up with his family. There was a cute little vignette in there where the kung fu master is telling the panda how it was the worst day of his life when he found out that the panda was selected as something-or-other, until he realised that it was actually his own internal issue, and then found inner peace or some such. Classic. Truth combined with tongue-in-cheek sarcasm, and the reason this smug self-centred inherent superiority really grates. Rising above the fray, turning the other cheek, realising that your reaction when provoked is your choice … it’s a strange one isn’t it? Why is detachment from the outcome and from emotion generally considered to be the state of a more enlightened being? What’s wrong with revelling in emotion, like a child throwing a temper tantrum? Isn’t that just as much a part of being alive? Feeling things deeply and fully?

Maybe, but it’s a slippery slope to the boomerang back, to where you lash out and want revenge. We’re petty creatures, aren’t we? It’s sometimes easier to want to take someone else down with you, to your level. To hold a grudge. Sometimes grudges can be powerful motivators.

On the other side, I would say that being smug about your own superiority of whatever sense (physical, mental, emotional) is in itself a form of immaturity. I found some freedom this weekend from something that had been bothering me for a while. The what is unimportant, the realisation that I am incredibly immature is, I guess, neither here nor there. Like a grudge, it can be a tool as well: I remember reading at one point that one of the hallmarks of the best competitive athletes is this extreme ego. You have to believe that you’re the best athlete out there, or at some point along the way your mind is going to get in your way when things start to hurt and people start to move ahead of you, part of you can give up. And once that happens, it’s all over.

Anger, envy, fear, greed, rejection, alienation – all these things are real, and they will absolutely eat you alive. I read an article a while back that talked about resilience as being a trait whereby we could take knocks …. Whether failures, or rejections, or bad news, or whatever, and as quickly as possible come to accept the situation and figure out what to do next. Mature can wait. Right now, I just wanna be resilient when I grow up.

• “New rule: everyone’s out to get you.” – Jeff
• “Day 3, we kill them.” – Jeff
• “We have to be lucky sometimes.” – Alex 

The fine line between apathy and despair

So I came back from a weekend of planting trees, to find that the trees in front of my flat had all been cut down. They were beautiful orange trees, in the courtyard of the ground floor apartment. Not sure what’s up with that but I’m mourning them a little. Or every single time I come home. Shame.

And, not surprisingly, I did it again. Back was not ready for what I put it through … some things are ok, but loading the posterior chain with heavy overhead squats and push presses don’t fall into that category (and we won’t even discuss the other stuff I did that also was probably not the best idea for the lower back!). So, back to the gimp patrol for me; unfortunately I need to train or I can’t function as a rational human being, so we’ll just have to find things that don’t hurt in the meantime.  

I had a particularly aptly timed session of acupuncture because I overheard some instruction in the next room. Bottom line (and it makes sense) is that everything is connected. Finding that balance between physical training, mental training, and recovery is critical. It’s more holistic than just the eat-sleep-train-fish oil that they teach you at CrossFit. That is correct, but it’s a beginning, not an end. Different words for the same thing – what the martial artists accomplish by balancing kung fu with qigong and tai chi (on a continuum you can think of one as tightening the muscles, the other loosening and stretching), CrossFitters accomplish with strength, metcons, and mobility. It’s all tools in a toolkit. I’m excited to learn internal healing (or more ways of internal healing; the one that I know requires extreme concentration which means, guess what, I should practice more, right??).

But it can be quite confusing. One person says ice. The next says for goodness sakes, avoid ice because it stresses the damaged tissue, use heat, which relaxes it. One person says acupuncture may not be the best idea. Others swear by it. I try to go by what my body feels when it comes to recovery, and diet. That part seems to work quite well. What doesn’t work so well is going back too soon. I’m not titanium.

I sometimes wish there were just a simple formula that someone could tell me: you want to achieve X, this is how you do it. I guess if life were that simple, it would be pretty boring. And in some cases, I am better at seeing through the fog than other people (i.e. a lot of business and entrepreneurship things). This, like other things, is relative I suppose. But it’s almost like a dragon guarding a treasure: the answer is actually out there, you just need to find it. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. I’m impatient to be ready, but that immaturity is part of my journey. I guess?

So I had a most excellent lunch with my friend Ingi earlier in the week. Super cool girl. I know a lot of really cool women. I have some awesome friends. Anyway, we were talking quite a bit about trying to do what we do, and muddle through life. Too far on the one side, and you’re too complacent with how things are and you wind up in ruts, or never making progress. Too far on the other side, and you beat yourself up unnecessarily, and potentially unhealthily. Or, as we coined the concept, walking the line between apathy (I’m awesome, don’t need to change) and despair (I suck; why even bother?).

Our life is made up of all the little choices we make. Like when I have one thing that I really need to get done in the day and it doesn’t happen because I let other people’s priorities dictate my response. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. This is what you happen when you plan insufficiently. I no longer have much of a problem saying no, but I do have a problem planning, which is very weird because a part of my personality LOVES planning. But a part of my personality also just loves to toss planning to the wind and jump in without a plan. Like it or not, what we choose to do and how we choose to spend our time does force us to make certain implicit decisions about what we do not do.

The presence of our Swiss angel this week spurred a fascinating discussion about capitalism in the morning meeting. I think there were only two of us in the room happy to call ourselves capitalists. It apparently has a big stigma attached to the word which is a strange concept for me, as an American (or at least the St Paul’s and Babson-educated American that I am). Even seeing what America has been through recently, I still see that as a failure of people and I suppose regulatory systems rather than a failure of capitalism per se. But that’s a whole other topic I suppose; the correct or proper interplay between government and the free market. Talk about a theoretical conversation; you could write a PhD thesis on the subject.

I guess where I come to is that capitalism is not perfect, but beats any other system that I know of. Same goes for democracy. And CrossFit. And social enterprise.

Peter was also talking about his experience in the township on Sunday when he was having mixed emotions. On the one side, extreme sympathy and empathy for people living in squalor and in really degrading conditions. On the other, a bit of almost disgust maybe at the same people who didn’t even bother to remove trash from their doorsteps. Hard to want to push some ‘better’ solution on someone who doesn’t want it. Impossible, even. That sh*t doesn’t work. History is littered with charities and social enterprises that try to force a solution on beneficiaries. Treat them as customers not as pitiful things (the equivalent of the ‘user’ in the software world … the poor saps who have to use your product because the buyer bought for whatever reasons).

But this reminded me of a vignette of my buddy Keith’s experience. Keith is a dear friend of mine from my days at Cal. Love that boy. Anyway he once lived in Oakland, in the projects. Like the proper ghetto. I suppose at this point I should mention that Keith is a gay white boy. One day he was planting flowers outside where he was living and some children came along and were fascinated by what he was doing.

“What are you doing?”

“Planting flowers.”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“To make it look pretty.”

“But why??”

Turns out, when people had very little they resented others who had more, to the point where they would actually literally deface other people’s property or toss cigarette butts into planters, etc. If you’re angry, and hurt, you tend to pull other people down with you rather than try and raise yourself and everyone up. Keith never had that problem. Quite the reverse; he actually had a couple of the houses around him put in some flowers before he moved out. Apparently he taught the children a thing or two. I love this story because it’s beautiful, like something out of a movie. Of course, the lasting effect of this I do not know. I can suspect, but I am not hopeful.

Speaking of social enterprise and ‘nudges’: ASEN event Wednesday night followed by a UX presentation and discussion on social norms and decision-making. It is interesting stuff; all of this - going back to my conversation with Ingi the other day. She was talking about social norms relating to women’s roles vs men’s in South Africa (and she has lived overseas, so she is pretty well placed to offer a commentary). I have heard a lot of what she describes from other women, some South African and some transplants. Personally I haven’t experienced it but I wonder the degree to which my extremely individualistic (uber-American?) personality prevents it from occurring. Ingi was saying if I were to move in with a South African man, I’d soon be picking up his socks and doing the dishes. But, that was the way in America too. I think it’s less about the external culture and more about the boxes we allow ourselves to be put into, or we put ourselves into.

And it’s also pretty much true that almost anyone in a relationship has a list of compromises as long as their arm. Both people, not just one (unless the relationship is very unbalanced and unhealthy which can of course happen). And you look at some of these things from the outside and turn up your nose and think ‘how silly that people let themselves get into these positions.’ But then of course, people who live in glass houses right?

I’ll admit that I went through a phase when I was more than a bit scornful when looking at some of the people around me (ironic, maybe, considering how many people confide in me!). For the avoidance of doubt, the following examples are archetypes, not actual people (although the examples are real).

The friend who stayed in a relationship where she wasn’t happy for far too long (stop lying to yourself). The friend who is scared that she’s too old and too unattractive and will wind up alone (stop creating a self-fulfilling prophecy). The friend who is continuously pratting on about some girl who but is too afraid of [her saying no/getting his heart broken] (stop being such a coward). But it’s so easy to play Monday morning quarterback isn’t it? I am no longer scornful. I have done all of the above, in varying forms. And a whole litany of other stuff. I just won’t always admit it, even to myself.

I was chatting to Hes the other day, shortly after my own amusing ‘damn you autocorrect’ moment (which was only funny because of the context …….. isn’t it always though?) about that whole ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer’ vibe. Sometimes a little fear, a little fire in your belly, a little ‘I’ll show you’ is a good thing. Sometimes it’s just a stressor.

So we keep walking that line. I suppose I walk closer to despair than apathy most days. We’ll see how my back feels in the morning.

• “The CIPC is incompetent. I apologise.” – Jeff
• “It is cold.” – JP
• “When someone’s manipulating you, you know. Right?” – Ingi
• “It’s when you start to attach labels to it that you run into problems. When someone calls you ‘elite’ either you get a big head or you think about it for a second and realise you’re not so damn elite.” – Ellie
• “It’s not actually the pushing myself I have a problem with, it’s more the being hard on myself about it.” – Katharine
• “I would have just put 60. I’m not kidding at all.” – Jeff
• “You can’t just do things.” – Shirfu

The only thing worse than losing

Is what happens to me when I don't train. Same thing that happens to me when I don't eat, actually. I get GRUMPY.

I wasn’t trying to sulk, but I guess I was actually sulking because injured or not, I usually do stick my face into the gym at least once in the week. But no, didn’t feel like it this week. Instead, got back to what one normally does when not training every single day:

• Farewell dinner at Carne for Lauren & Dani
• Scotch at the Hussar Grill, combined with a very American sound track
• A return to qigong
• Shopping! Yes, I bought out most of Pick’n’Pay’s collection of coconut milk in small tins, again.
• Going away for the weekend
• Going over to my friend’s house in pajamas

I was in a pretty bad mood because normally if you lose, you let the body recover from the competition then you get back into it. My body felt fine after this competition because I didn’t actually DO all that much … except I did have that fluish/fever thing until Wednesday. Except my back was in no shape for training. An injury like this one unfortunately is going to take weeks to heal completely, but I am not going to rest for weeks, so I’ll just be careful. Famous last words.

As a result, I think the only day at work I was actually in a good mood was Wednesday. Luckily that was the day with all the external meetings. I suppose I can be charming when it matters, but geez, serious sense of humour failure the rest of the week. By Friday afternoon I was desperate to get the hell out of dodge, and that’s not a good feeling when in general you are happy with your life. It’s like things are good, great even …. But if something starts to bother, you start to question everything.

Stopped by Ballistix Fitness on my way out of town for the weekend, and even being in the gym cheered me up. Hes came by to gossip, Norman stopped in returned my New Skin which made me a very happy woman, and Neil even dropped by to say hello.

My plans for the weekend involved tree planting at Platbos (means ‘flat forest’) with Greenpop. That was fun; kind of like sliding on an old glove. Jeremy was in fine form (as always, I suppose, but somehow so much more so at the same time). They have this one song called ‘My Shoes’ that’s all about a girl who’s just too cool, and will she go for it if he makes a move, and the insecurities that go along with that. That one always makes me smile, especially on this day under the stars in the middle of old growth forest. 

Just what I needed; a complete changeup, and an environment where no one knew or care what a snatch or muscle up is. And a flashback to an earlier time, kind of like I had a weird flashback at Caprice when a song came on that I’d heard Bon Jovi playing at the John Kerry election night would-have-been-victory-rally-had-it-not-been-a-wake. One of those vivid moments that stick in your memory and you just know you're going to remember that moment your entire life. 

I can be a little slow on the uptake sometimes I guess. Sometimes you have to slap me in the damn face to get me to pay attention. How you gonna be in my shoes you’re SO COOL…..

Being able to dig holes and plant trees without causing my back to hurt made me very excited. This was a reforestation process, as Platbos is literally the last stand standing of indigenous forest. Between agriculture in the last century and the alien vegetation from Australia that has taken over, the native forest is getting crowded out or burned down (the alien vegetation, when it burns, burns HOT unlike the normal fynbos fires). We were mimicking what the forest does by digging big holes and filling them with mulch, then planting trees around the outside. This way the centres become water sinks that the trees can draw on during the dry summer months. The recent droughts are really taking their toll on the old growth forest, and it's even harder for new baby trees.

I think I might be allergic to wine, or to the sulphites. Now if only I were legitimately allergic to sugar, that would keep me from eating anything bad for me. Accidentally (accidentally on purpose?) ingested some wheat this weekend and my goodness it’s not fun. The smallest quantity makes me extremely bloated, which is slightly bothersome when you see photos and videos of yourself. Larger quantities make me nearly die when training. Not a good tradeoff.

Plus, I am feeling very out of shape (or de-conditioned, as it’s apparently called). Basically I had two weeks of injury plus another week and a half before that where we were mostly doing technique and strength work leading up to Regionals … not a great combo. On the way back from Platbos I decided to kick my own ass and so I did the mother of all metcons, Helen (3 rounds of 400m run, 21 kettlebell swings, 12 pullups). This was comical, except that it wasn’t. I don’t think I’ve sucked wind so hard in over a year, and my time was a good 2 minutes off my PR. BUT I could do the pullups without pain … just …. Really, really SLOWLY. Silver lining? Cloud? What?

So the long road continues. I may be in a bit of a dip at the moment but hey … I suppose it is true that you do need those lows to appreciate the highs. Or maybe that’s just what everyone tells the people who are in the dumps. It’s like Nate Maingard was saying – you get hurt, and it hurts, but you feel alive. It’s all part of the beautiful experience of life.

It’s true. I guess it’s better this way. Time to make a few changes. Stop hanging on to things, stop playing to that martyr bit of my personality, and worrying about things I can't control. Stop talking about doing things, and start actually doing them. 

And this morning? Sunshower and rainbow over Lion’s Head. Life ain't so bad. 

It's been a long long time /

Since I've seen your face /

But I never did you wrong / 

I just long for your embrace /

And wherever you go /

And wherever you roam /

Just keep your head up high /

And keep howling at the moon .........

• “I knew I had a reason to be worried.” – Jeff
• “You have a lot to make up for. You know that, right?” – Jaco
• “So you’re a bit competitive by nature, hey?” – Jeremy
• “Timing is everything.” – Jax
• “Wait. You’re calling Jeremy a princess?” – Ellie 

2012 Africa Regionals

“Adversity causes some men to break; other to break records.”  – William Arthur Ward 

In my case, a little from column A, a little from column B. What I didn’t talk about in the last blog post was how absolutely petrified I was going into this competition. Yes, I can be a drama queen but I was damn worried. Why?

Well the third team event required one female athlete to be able to snatch a 70 pound (32kg) dumbbell, for a minimum of 5 reps on each arm, or else the team would be disqualified. A snatch means it must get from the ground to locked out overhead in one movement, without stopping anywhere or resting at the shoulders (i.e. you can’t clean & jerk it), and you must not use the other hand to assist. When I first read that, I thought ‘no problem.’ Then I actually found a 32kg dumbbell.

To add insult to injury, the Friday before the competition (exactly one week ahead of game time), I caught a bar badly on a hang power clean, which caused my spine to bend in a way it is NOT designed to go… essentially I gave myself whiplash to the lower back, but mainly on the left, exacerbating an injury from late last year. My acupuncturist said I was damn lucky I didn’t cause any damage to the spine but I spent Friday afternoon and all of Saturday at home laid up in bed petrified that I was going to be too injured to compete, and I knew if I didn’t compete there was no one else on the team who could snatch that dumbbell, and our competition would be over before it began.

By Monday, the rest had paid off and the back felt OK once I warmed up, so Tuesday I tried to snatch the 32kg dumbbell. The result – success on the right, and a whole lot of failures on the left. Even worse than that, I was having a hard time even holding the dumbbell overhead on the left.

So here I am, knowing I need to go out on a field and try and do something I’ve never done that I’m not even sure I can do, and on the one side I have everyone telling me they know I can do it, and of course I’m also getting the unintentional pressure from various comments implying that it would really suck to let the team and the gym down. Uh-huh. So I’ll admit I was feeling pretty damned sorry for myself, wishing Rika had gone team and I could do the workout with all the squats and pullups instead.

I kept wishing it was something I knew I could do – like tell me I NEED to go and run 1000m faster than the other women and damn it I’ll make that happen. But it’s like that line in the Counting Crows song: ‘I am not worried / cuz I’ve done this sort of thing before.’ Well, I hadn’t ever done this sort of thing before. Digging deep to out-race someone, which I’d done plenty of times in the past, is different than trying to do something you’re not sure you’re physically capable of.

You know how they say men think about sex like every 30 seconds? I can’t speak to that since I am not a male but I thought about very little else than that stupid 70lb dumbbell for about two weeks. But a strange thing happened. On Wednesday when I was driving to work something just snapped inside me and I realised that this wasn’t about me and my own little issues of only being in the spotlight when it was safe, and not wanting to have to walk into that gym for the next year hanging my head in shame (although the latter was a legitimate concern). I realised that the only worse position than mine was that of my teammates, who of course had as much skin in the game as I did but had no control over my success or failure. At that moment, something inside me snapped and I decided that under no circumstances was I going to let them down.

Didn’t hurt that literally the day before the comp started, my physio and my chiro separately found three issues with my shoulder that could cause stability and/or proprioception problems (the kicker being that my shoulder bone was slightly out of alignment with the shoulder socket). I was kind of hoping that was the case because obviously you will have a weaker side, but it made no sense that on one side I could press the thing from my ear to overhead and on the other I couldn’t even HOLD it overhead.

So, to make a long story really short: I managed my ten reps, and another two after that. One of the happiest moments of my life; and the home crowd was super cool – every time I made a rep everyone cheered, and every time one failed you could hear the whole crowd sigh with disappointment. I remember after my first rep on the left side my teammate yelling to me: “See! You CAN do it!” and after my second seeing Jobst in the middle of the field with one of the biggest grins I’ve ever seen on his face. I was the hero of the day for the next hour or so. My 11 minutes of fame.

But let’s get real here: I also got my ass handed to me by Ms Beatrix Snyman of Platinum CrossFit, who finished 30 snatches with her teammate Andre. On the flip side, two other ladies from the other two competing gyms did not manage to get 10 reps and their teams were eliminated. Now that just sucks, and it especially sucked for the one team that would have won the competition hands down had they not gotten beaten by a 70lb dumbbell. I can understand this pain acutely because I lived that fear for two weeks.

Team Platinum went on to beat us in the next three events, and handily, I might add. So while our dream of going to the CrossFit Games was smashed to smithereens, I absolutely can’t complain because they were a better team. Yeah, there were plenty of ‘coulda been shoulda been woulda beens’ to be had but in the end, it is what it is. My heart really wasn’t in event 6 and I didn’t warm up properly and so re-strained my back on my first muscle up kip, which resulted in me clawing my way over the rings then literally being unable to pull my knees to my chest to kip out of the dip. It was amusing in a way … ‘Why won’t my legs move?? Hmm maybe I can just push with my arms …. Nope shoulders not strong enough, crap, better come down.’ Great moment of ignominy, right up there with fumbling with the collar on the deadlift workout.  It was all over after that, but I kept trying anyway. Wasn’t until after the workout actually that I figured out I’d thrown my back and could barely walk. Oops.

Moral of this story? I shouldn’t be a sore loser. It wound up giving me a sore back.

There’s a media site that recaps everything, including some video footage of my snatches, and me hanging out over the rings struggling to bring my knees to my chest. Yes, yes. Well at least everyone can stop asking about my snatch now that the competition is over, and the offseason can begin. In a way it’s good because as I said, competition is only part of why we do this, and time spent prepping for the CrossFit Games is time not spent on getting ready for next year. I’m so de-conditioned at this point, relatively speaking, it’s not even funny. So let the training begin. After my back heals properly this time (at the moment it feels like it has red hot needles sticking into it…..), and I get over the cold or flu I woke up with Sunday morning thank you very much.

But some things this weekend that will stick with me, in no particular order:

• Rika’s 21 muscle ups in event #6 qualifying her through to the CrossFit Games as an individual. Prior to Sunday she had only done two or three. Half of any sport is a mind game. This competition showed that this woman’s mental fortitude is right up there. Like me, she had to walk out there in front of everyone and try something she was reasonably confident she could do, but wasn’t quite sure. And she did it. Except that 21 muscle ups is arguably harder than 10 dumbbell snatches, because adrenaline and brute force won’t get you through that. Anyway hats off to her; far and away the standout performance of the weekend.
• The handstand pushups in event #1 decimated the women’s field, and what the HSPUs didn’t get, the hang cleans and dumbbell snatches did. After event #3, Rika was the only woman who didn’t DNF a workout.
• Our team’s JP Seini pulling a 75kg snatch in competition under time pressure, when he was struggling to snatch 70 in practice in the weeks leading up to the competition.
• The moment I realised it was over.
• Lynda from our team killing the handstand pushups in event #1, and pulling me through the partner deadlifts when my back was going. Watching her and Natalia in the squat/pullup/shoulder-to-overhead workout was bittersweet, because they did amazingly well but it was hard to watch our competition pulling ahead, and with it the chances of a win.
• Chris drinking water from his water bottle while doing pistols. Epic.
• Garth getting the fifth best Diane time despite doing handstand pushups on one fist due to a hand injury, and then getting past the 10 hang cleans (@102kgs, 225 pounds!).
• Norman plowing through everything with a ready smile on his face, and doing picture-perfect butterfly pullups with a ripped open hand. He let me nurse his hand again this time; last time this happened was his first experience with New Skin and I really thought he was going to punch me, or never speak to me again. What can I say, this time was just as … emotional? Funny.
• Watching Chris race David Levey (the eventual winner) on the dumbbell snatch workout, and win convincingly. Super cool!
• Hannes du Toit. In my book, the most improved competitor from last year. Seriously, he even looks taller. Holy crap.

Overall, a fun event. The catering was good, the free massage was great (and kind of necessary in my case!). The warmup area inside was cold … VERY cold, which made it hard to warm up. It was also lacking equipment … we had to go outside and beg for extra weights & clamps so that we could warm up with the starting weight on the snatch ladder, and there was no place to warm up for pullups or muscle ups ahead of those workouts. I don’t blame our organisers but honestly for a Regional event, they should have had proper warmup facilities for the athletes.

It’s strange. In a way, I kind of anticipated this outcome actually. I honestly don’t feel any worse about this than I do about the Patriots losing the Super Bowl. You hope for the win, but you lose, and you move on. I was happily fraternising with the enemy at the after party. I don’t know them that well, yet, but I really like some of the Platinum team members (and some of the girls on the other teams, too, for that matter). I might have fraternised more had I not been feeling so flu-ish, but probably not because I was still quite disappointed and like them or not it’s still hard to watch the victors celebrate their victory. Builds character maybe?

Well, you can’t win ‘em all. Joburg wins this round.

On the plus side, I did what I set out to do and broke through a couple mental barriers in the meantime. And I didn’t let my fans down (apparently I have fans … who knew?).

And hey, I still get to live in Cape Town. The city was breathtaking on Thursday night before the comp, and as you can see from the photos I think we win hands-down at the most scenic venue (thank heavens it didn’t rain though!). The Mother City is stunning in winter; it’s more green, the light does amazing things … things the camera can’t capture. I am in love.

I took Monday off to get my mind back in the game and to take Lauren (the token non-South African competitor in the Africa Regional – she’s U.S. military stationed in Tunisia) and her friend out wine tasting with Rika. Super fun day, despite the illness. There is more to life than CrossFit, of course, so from today I’m back at trying to make the world a better place.

• “It’s like something out of Rambo!” – Andrew
• “Now make this lift …. Or I’m going to make you overhead squat!” – Chris (I didn’t …. And he did….)
• “I don’t want to hear about how your back is sore.” – Andrew
• “I haven’t lied to you yet.” – Laa-Laa
• “That’s …. Kinda gross, Ellie.” – Amy (I was eating coconut oil with a spoon)
• “You know what you’re doing.” – Kelly
• “Boston’s hardcore!” – Matt
• “I knew you could do it.” – Chris (could never lifted anything!)
• “Um… good genes I guess?” – Ellie (ask a stupid question…)
• “Well, you can’t win everything! F*ck you!” – Clare
• “Seriously? Can I punch you in the face? ” – Ellie
• “Hats off to you, Ellie. F*cking hats off to you.” – Paul