The Battle Begins

Ever have a feeling like someone’s out to get you? Or that there’s way more going on than meets the eye? Actually, this is a bit of a challenge for me in general. For years I have been good at reading body language, without even trying.

More recently, I’ve gotten even better and, when I pay attention, I can often notice inconsistencies between what people say (or do) and what I think they actually want, or what drives them. Maybe it’s nothing but I’ve also had no fewer than three body practicioners of various sorts either tell me I have this talent or ask me, unprovoked, whether or not I have this talent in the last two months. For better or worse, I usually block it out or choose to ignore it, so sometimes I’m actually more naïve than an average person just because the information can be overwhelming, and confusing, and I often tend to doubt my instincts. I mean, I want to believe people when they say things because what right does my intuition have to tell me otherwise? Not to mention that my first impressions are often waaaaay off the mark (but that could be related I suppose).

The point I’m trying to make isn’t that I confuse the hell out of myself trying to piece together what I suspect about other peoples’ motivations. When I sit down and think about it and talk it out with others I can be very accurate. But I don’t usually do that. Maybe I should. People are confusing as all get-out and as much as I wish they’d just do what they said they would do, how and when they said they would do it, if that were the case we’d probably just be computers.

The point? Right. I did have one. The point is when I strongly feel that I know something, I’m pretty much always right. And this week, I felt like a certain someone was out to get a group of people that I care about. And nothing but nothing provokes me more than righteous indignation. Well, except maybe condescension. It may be the competitor in me but my mother will tell you I have not liked injustice or being condescended to from pretty much, birth.

Not going into the details here but suffice to say the claws are now out, and there is also nothing like a common enemy or goal to draw people together. And also, adversity shows you interesting sides of people you are getting to know. So far, what I’ve seen of lovely Hollie, Sarah, and Jon has made me like each of them even more. It’s quite cool when someone says or does something you wish you’d thought to say or do. Even cooler when this happens two days in a row. Go team!

Adding insult to injury, this even affected my sleep! I woke up at 2am last night and couldn’t get back to sleep. Now in a competition week when I’m busy trying to integrate a bunch of different things and rest, that is just NOT COOL.

Moving on…. Monday featured an early morning warning that I am messing with enough things physical and emotional that I should be ready for some upheavals. OK by me, I think some radical changes are in order. Monday also featured yet another fun run to the U.S. Embassy to give Uncle Sam $50 per document I needed notarised (seriously? Yes.), and a 2+ hour conference call in which I think I said three things. One of which was “I still haven’t heard an answer to the question I asked 20 minutes ago.”

When my genius little brother Cyrus was named Presidential Scholar back in 1997 or whenever it was, and we got to go to D.C. and meet all the politicians, I don’t remember too much of this except for a) not being allowed into the ceremony because there weren’t enough tickets and b) meeting with Bernie Sanders who was at the time Vermont Representative (he’s now a Senator). One of the other families asked him his opinion on what was at the time quiet a controversial property tax redistribution scheme in local Vermont politics. Why do I remember this random detail? Because he didn’t answer the question, and it wasn’t until I had left the room that I realised he hadn’t answered the question. He redirected. Since then I have paid close attention when I think people don’t want to answer tough questions, to see whether or not they actually answer the question or just evade it. And boy, there is nothing like 5 seconds of silence when you call someone out.

Not that I’m competitive or anything, right?

Compared to the work day, Monday’s acupuncture session was a pleasure. Even the worst physical pain was fine. Not so today, when all I wanted to do was have the needles out of me and be back at my computer planning out what to do next. See, the mind and body are so intricately connected.

Yesterday the main thing I accomplished was to plan a market research program for FoodTents. Other things are very much still in the planning phases, but I do love planning. Then in the evening I went down to Muizenberg to see this woman Emma who is, literally, amazing. She combines BodyTalk with muscle activation and in my first session she taught me to breathe properly. In the second session, she diagnosed that my right leg and left arm are dominant (I definitely noticed a huge problem with right arm being weaker on strict press), and freed by breathing even further. It’s crazy; I have been breathing from my chest as long as I can remember and, as a result, obviously not getting as much oxygen to my entire body as I should.

Another interesting thing is that I feel like my body, much as its human limitations do annoy me, is an amazing thing and it responds so quickly and so positively to changes and new stimuli. This is why I wish I’d discovered CrossFit 10 years ago: I could have been so much better than I’ll ever be. But it’s really all about being as good as I’m capable of, so to a certain degree I can regret what will never be but there’s no sense crying over spilt milk.

Speaking of spilt milk, my shin bruise from Saturday is healing nicely. Still looks pretty terrible, but hey it’s not going to hurt too much when I compete this weekend and that’s all that matters.

There’s something about crunch time. You know, the last 2 minutes of a [n American] football game where you have your set plays, yes, but you also know that you can move the ball all the way down the field. If you can beat the other team and the clock, and execute on your plan. That focus is beautiful. It also gives you the courage, drive, and adrenaline to do the things you wouldn’t otherwise be able to do. That’s one of the things I look forward to about this weekend: having fun, yes, competing and hopefully winning, also yes, but also having that great experience of focus and getting to watch other people let CrossFit and the competition push them to the edges of what they’re capable of, and maybe even further.

There’s nothing like a good fight.

As long as it’s played cleanly. Chris put it a bit more colourfully than this but there is no joy or honour in beating an opponent who isn’t at their best. And there is also no honour in beating an opponent if you cheat. 

• “It’s going to be uncomfortable.” – Debbie
• “What have you done now? Let me look!” – Jacques
• “Well, there aren’t PIECES missing.” – Jon
• “Other than the beneficiaries, the only people I really care about are those people on the battlefield next to me.” – Jacques
• “It was beautiful. They have no idea the loss they have sustained.” – Peter
• “I’ve been silent for over an hour. The people sitting around this table know how unusual that is.” – Ellie
• “I know. That’s one of the things I like about you.” – Peter (I had just said the best way to get an effective Ellie is to make me really mad)
• “You play rough.” – Nonhlanhla
• “It’s the water.” – Jon (:P)
• “U wanna deserve it all the way you know... ” – Chris (:P)
• “I think the world’s too boring if you’re normal.” – Jeff
• “To visualise where you will be WINNING !!!!!” – Andrew
• “Are you feeling strong?” “What?” “Are you feeling strong?” “What?” “Are you feeling strong?” “What?” “Do you feel strong?” “No!” – Nathan & George (really, you had to be there …)

Two steps forward, one step back

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” – Kurt Vonnegut

First, read about the Benjamin Franklin effect. I think this is true. Scary true. I think this may be part of the genius of St Paul’s: keep telling the children of the elite that they are the future leaders of the country, and they will begin to think of themselves that way. I wonder how much of the person I am today has its origin in what other people tell me about me, that I then start believing and acting on.

But it’s dangerous too. All of it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or sometimes not: when I have friends who swear up and down they have some negative trait that I don’t see in them it drives me batty, partly because I worry that they will become what they say they are. Stop thinking you’re a loser (because you’re not). Stop thinking you’re not quite ready for that next job, because you never will be until you step into it. Stop thinking you’re going to screw up something (or someone) you care about.

Possibly why my lifting improved when I stopped being afraid of failing at 1 rep maxes and started getting annoyed when I had a lifting session and didn’t fail (because it meant I hadn’t done high enough). Except I’m still scared of the squat, which is probably why those lifts have stagnated compared to the others. Go figure.

Now if I could only figure out how to stop thinking I’m injury-prone! I don’t specifically want to be injured but damned if I didn’t nearly sprain my ankle again on Friday and then yesterday I missed a box jump. I am not even sure how it happened; I was tired and moving fast and I didn’t make it onto the box and somehow my left shin managed to bang the side or top of the box HARD. Like so hard it swelled up like 3cm or so almost immediately despite the fact that I began icing within about 30 seconds of injury. Amazingly the ice therapy seemed to work because within 1 hour after the swelling was much decreased. I had seen injuries like this and always kind of wondered how it could happen. Now I know.

Whatever. A little ice, extra fish oil, and some extra sleep and it’s already much improved today. Here’s to hoping my box jumps on Saturday aren’t too excessively painful. Those bruised shins take a long time to heal completely.

I also spent some time these past few days conversing about other peoples’ expectations. At this point my work and my sport are two of the most important things to me. This is primarily because I like them, and I find something (or a lot of things) rewarding in them. For CrossFit, I have written about this a lot but I love actually to be healthy and to see the dramatic improvements, and to be able to do things I couldn’t do before, and that most other people can’t do. For work, I am learning a tremendous amount, and fundamentally I do want meaning in my work and I believe that we have the power to make the world a better place. If we’re not the ones to stand up and be leaders, then who?

Yet at the same time it’s actually more than that. I have a lot of affection for Jobst, who runs my gym, and Peter, who runs my organisation. I recognise some of what I mean to both of them, a lot of which goes unsaid. So part of why I do what I do and why I do it the way I do it is for them. I don’t do these things for them, but the re-enforcement doesn’t hurt, firstly, and secondly, I don’t want to leave them or be a disappointment to them.

Anyway. Moving on. Importantly, my energy levels are much improved from last report. I’m not sure if it was that I wasn’t eating enough calories, or my body adjusting to the intermittent fasting, or low levels of melatonin (love that my athlete friends Chris & Mona are there for me with advice when I need it!!). When I think back the fatigue has been actually since the Daisies, when even the foot massage lady said I had some issues with the adrenal gland. Let’s face it, there has been a lot of stress lately between lots going on at work and some big deadlines, apartment hunting, prepping mentally and physically for next week’s competition, and some things in the ol’ personal life. It’s probably a good thing that I’m so sensitive to my body because otherwise I might have been in the early stages of burnout without even knowing it. So, additional rest is always a good thing.

But regardless I’ve been feeling better recently. Some engaging company hasn’t hurt! On Friday morning we had a wonderful speaker Andrea Pellegrino from New York City (we went out for dinner that evening), then I had lunch that day with Lucy who is now doing her own consulting thing but has worked for PWC in the past. Lunch with Lucy was lovely because we got a chance to talk about her process consulting work and she paid me a huge compliment by saying that I thought about things (people, business systems, strategy) in a way that was more sophisticated than many business execs who had been at it for 20 or 30 years. Wonderful compliment, but thinking about the right way to do things is only part of the battle. I need a bigger team if I’m ever going to get much further than just talking the talk.

Dinner with Andrea was lovely. It’s always fun to meet other smart women, but also visitors to Cape Town and fun Americans. I took her to The Grand for a drink then to Bombay Bicycle Club, which was a big hit. I wish I could have talked to her all weekend, but hopefully she will be back early next year. It’s fascinating to discuss the similarities between designers and entrepreneurs. I just LOVE good design. I think that’s what attracted me most about product management back in the day and even now: systems design, product design, understanding customers and how to fit their needs. It’s all fundamentally design and problem-solving.

But at the same time you do oscillate back and forth between being hopefully and discouraged, energised and overwhelmed. Or at least I do. But it’s wonderful to be able to talk about achievements and disappointments and, hell, you have to start somewhere.

I am also constantly amused at the experience of being an American overseas. Chris was very gently commenting the other day about the, ahem, talkativeness of Americans. It’s actually kind of true! I notice it more now that American culture is no longer the norm. And the concept of being exotic because I’m American amuses the heck out of me, as does the concept of my accent being intimidating. I’m sure these are not universally true but the fact that they come up again and again means there is some truth to them as stereoypes and I just find it weird. As if I’m not unusual enough just as I am (or, indeed, referencing again that Benjamin Franklin blog post, that’s a part of my personality that I self-identify with so I therefore go out of my way to act unusual … probably also a self-defense mechanism because most self-perceptions are).

Saturday was also nice because I got to catch up with Mona for a few hours, and we went to a braai up in Durbanville. Man that was some tasty kudu. There is nothing quite like an indoor braai. Americans, take note: this should be the next theme in home improvements! Mona, in addition to being an amazing athlete, is also a little dynamo who reminds me constantly what the force of personality can accomplish.

Two miscellaneous things: 1. New Zealand won the Rugby World Cup, 2. I filled out my first South African census today. Boy it asked some weird questions. Way more intrusive than the U.S. version but it actually makes sense: they need to understand the levels of health, education, and living standards of the population.

Three, actually: the best way to motivate me is to make me a little bit angry. I got some news today that made me angrier the more and more I thought about it, until I saw a status update from the wonderful Misha which reminded me that anger and resentment actually only hurts me. Someone makes you mad? Don’t get back, or get even: just step your game up and go about the rest of your life. To hell with anyone who doesn’t like it; you’ll soon forget about them anyway.

Friday was the last day at work for one of our interns, Christoph from the Netherlands. He was (is!) an amazing guy. Smart, thoughtful, hard-working, diligent, analytic. One of our traditions is on people’s last day to celebrate them a bit and everyone who wants to says what they feel about this person. I said something along the lines of the above, including that he always contributed in a lovely and meaningful way to all sorts of meetings and I’m really going to miss him. This generated a big “awww!” and a hug. It’s those moments that you really keep with you.

We also had brunch today, on his last day in Cape Town. I took him to Sandbar and Sinnful Ice Cream. I reminded him what I somehow always wind up telling everyone younger than me which is that even though his life has been great and fascinating up to this point, don’t get complacent. Next thing you know you’ll realise you’re bored and/or unhappy. The difference between a groove and a rut is a matter of degree, and it’s too easy not to step back and think if you’re really going where you want to be going.

Like Chris Spealler talking about CrossFit says ‘Never quit. Don’t ever quit.’ I would say ‘Never settle. Don’t ever settle.’ Channelling Nelson Mandela a bit:

“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”

• “Yes, there are a lot of problems in the world. But you know what I’ve discovered? I really like cabbage.” – Ellie (yes, I really said that complete non sequitor…)
• “Well, that is what you girls do best.” – Jon
• “It’s gonna be more hardcore. Don’t let the bar stools fool you.” – Jobst
• “Heels, Ellie!” – Chris (:P)
• “Any sport is dangerous.” – Mona
• “I think I was lucky to get to work with you guys.” – Christoph
• “It looks really bad!” – Christoph
• “It looks good!” – Mona (perspective!)
• “Well, I would be angry too!!” – Mona

Something doesn’t feel right

That lethargy I complained about in my last post isn’t going anywhere. In fact it may be getting worse.

It doesn’t seem to impact my training: for example, I felt particularly strong in last night’s workout (finished 1 rep short of Rika which is always going to be a good day, to come that close to an athlete of her calibre!). Although Tuesday I felt too tired to train, and took the day off, and it’s annoying to feel tired all day long, and it’s contributing to a general ‘sense of humour failure’ as Rika would say, whereby everything and everyone annoys me.

My acupuncturist laughed at me, and said it was a darn good thing I came in because my body is quite run down. My chiropractor diagnosed an issue with my adrenal glands … apparently I need to relax more. I think that having Peter & Mandy away Monday and Tuesday didn’t help because I had to be in charge and sort out everything on my own (or at least maintain a list of things to discuss with them when they got back).

Didn’t help either that on the way back from showing our new business consultant intern the FoodTents GrowZone I got into a car accident (this lady was turning right and was supposed to yield to me because I had the right of way, turned right in front of me, and there was no way I could stop). It was crazy, the woman couldn’t even walk straight. She was clearly not well and shouldn’t have been driving. We went to the police station to file an accident report and I swear in America they probably would have locked her up for something. But this is South Africa. I can’t complain, at some point I’m sure I’ll be on the receiving end of that sort of laissez-faire attitude.

So now I have to deal with a slightly detached front bumper. On the plus side, solid engineering prevented any major damage to my car at all. Hers didn’t fare so well. But as she was uninsured, I have to pay myself, and hassle with insurance. Yet another thing to add to my list of things to do. I did manage to sign a lease on a new apartment this week, though. Had to negotiate some changes to the lease but that was straightforward enough and I’m quite happy: it doesn’t have the dramatic view of my current place but it’s got character (which is KEY in my book ... I do NOT want to live in a brand-new 24-hour security pre-fab building where everything is brand new), it’s in a small block with only 5 apartments, has two bedrooms so I can have guests and, most importantly, there are views of foliage from all windows. The living room opens onto a balcony from which you cannot see much view but you can see a lot of trees, including a banana tree. That sort of view and amount of greenery around is very rare, and is what attracted me … it’s not your run-of-the-mill apartment at all. Oh and it has offstreet parking, and no stairs to climb. Good for when I come home loaded up with 85 different things. A new coat of paint, new mirror and cabinet in the bathroom, and some furniture and I’ll be right at home.

One thing I will miss about this place is the lovely gas stove. One thing I won’t miss is the shower that keeps attacking me.

Today was actually the first day all week that I didn’t wake up in a sour mood and stay that way all day. Tuesday evening was quite nice as a few of us gathered to have a dinner in honour of our wonderful intern Christoph, whose last week is this week. He’s going to be a big loss.

Aside from the lethargy (if it persists past the CrossFit comp next weekend, I’ll get a blood panel done and see if there’s something actually wrong with me), things are ok. A lot of our interns are going to be gone next week which will free me up from day-to-day management to start to get a handle on whether or not we are all spending our time the most effectively. I’m sure we are not and I have some ideas about how to fix it, so it will be good to have a relatively quiet week and get some hard-core planning done. The Hub is really coming alive, with new members and some very cool events.

The intermittent fasting experiment is going quite well. I am never hungry in the morning, and whatever energy issues I have are unaffected by food intake. I’m also finally breaking through my fat loss barrier. It’s possible that what’s going on is overly rapid fat loss so I’m going to measure that too. Whatever’s going on with me, I’ll diagnose and fix it. Because that’s what I do, and when it’s something as crucially important to me as my health I’m not going to ignore the problem. If there’s one thing I do know it’s that correlation and causation are not one and the same thing.

Speaking of my body again, the acupuncture is really helping my ankle and knee. It’s amazing. Although I know by now that I have an abnormally high pain tolerance but some of those needles when they go in …. OUCH! Adding insult to injury in these last few sessions when he pulls them out I feel just …. Broken. I have a hard time even sitting up, and I just feel …. Tender is maybe the best word. It’s not a feeling I relish. But while it may be my own personal torture, it’s incredibly effective.

Oh, and I feel compelled to explain why I called Apple an evil empire in the last post. As much respect as I have for Steve Jobs as a designer, perfectionist, visionary, and (maybe) leader, it annoys me that he’s done with Apple what he hated about Microsoft. He’s made a completely closed and proprietary set of systems and forced his software down users’ throats. Want to use an iPod? Well you MUST use iTunes. Oh, your battery died? Buy a new unit. We don’t support replacement batteries. In a way, power to him and the loyalty they’ve inspired in the cult of Mac. But part of that loyalty is engineered into the planned obsolescence of the product design, combined with extremely poor interoperability. Once you’re in, you’re locked in. Microsoft is an evil empire too, don’t get me wrong, but just because Apple is different and prettier doesn’t make it better. Pretty is as pretty does, after all. Yes, it’s just business, and all’s fair in love and competitive warfare, but Apple ain’t a kind and gentle company either, so far as I can see. I don’t trust them, and for that reason I don’t buy their products. Except for other people.

Now to bed, so I can hope my head and body are in the right place tomorrow morning. Slightly over one week to go before I compete. There’s nothing quite like a competition (or a deadline) to focus the mind.

• “A bottle of wine is the answer to everything.” – Jon (ain’t THAT the truth!)
• “Americans have big feet.” – Rika
• “Americans can sometimes be … a little much. Sorry to say.” – Chris
• “In a world where nothing seems to matter, what we do here is extremely relevant.” – Peter
• “You’re not well.” – Jeff
• “You’re not Superwoman.” – Jon

Things I forgot

Among other things, that doing too many of the same movement with no matter how light a weight, might make you just a little bit sore. Yowzers.

In all the excitement around Rocking the Daisies, I neglected to mention that Steve Jobs died and Sarah Palin decided not to run for President.

On the subject of Steve Jobs I am no fan of Apple as a big evil company. In terms of design they do a stunning job. Best in the business. Jobs himself may have been a bit of an abrasive personality. I won’t claim to know details but hey sometimes you have to be a bit of an ass to get stuff done. One of my bigger problems is that I’m not enough of an ass sometimes. Or a lot of the time, even. But look at what he brought us (or influenced bringing us): GUI operating systems. Computers that aren’t just ugly boxes. The iPod. The iPhone. Pixar. And more than one amazingly inspiring speech. He may have died young and he may have tread on quite a few toes to get there and I am avowedly not going to become part of the Apple cult if I can avoid it but there is no denying the impact that the man had, and I’m happy for Apple to exist if only to provide competition for the other guys out there.

One photo that passed around Facebook in the last week was one of Steve Jobs aside some starving African children and a caption that went something like: “One man died and the world mourns. One million die and no one gives a f*ck.” Well, yeah. That’s kind of how it goes hey: you change the world, people mourn. You don’t, they kind of don’t give a f*ck outside your immediate family and friends. Unfortunately many children growing up in Africa might be the next Steve Jobs if given the proper education and opportunity. But they won’t. Not in my lifetime at least, although I’ll do what small piece I can to try and change that, because, well hey it beats a corporate job.

Sarah Palin. Nutcase. I am ashamed that there is a certain segment of the American population that she appeals to. But hey Julius Malema appeals to a certain segment of the SA population as well. I wonder if she, like he, is smart enough actually to know what she’s doing. In any event the world is definitely better off without her as a potential President, although it might well be good for Obama if she won the nomination. I was explaining the polarisation of American politics caused by the dual party system and the primaries to our new guy at work on Friday. I never even got to gerrymandering. Well, there are messed up politics all over the world, but that’s a subject for another day.

Another crazy week at work, this time caused because I was essentially not doing anything all of last week except for the one document, and then I took two days off. There was also some consulting work with a hard deadline at the end of the week, and that took up a lot of time and focus: actually it all happened between discussing the deal on Monday, writing the SOW on Tuesday, and doing the work Wed-Fri.

Tons of small things in the week, but big things:

• A visit out to the FoodTents GrowZone (former Mama Rosie site, now completely run by FoodTents, including a baby seedling nursery!)
• Mid-month status reporting meetings with Wines with Heart and The Hub
• Planning next steps around WWH market research
• I learned a lesson on not being clear with expectations, causing a document that should have been done Thursday still not to be done
• Trying to make the best use of a marketing intern who will only be around for two weeks (note to self: must also define minimum time periods for working with interns …. )

We are really getting things moving at a good clip. I love our new daily 8:30am meetings (or having these back, rather: we used to do them when I first started but stopped in early 2011). I do still need to take even more time to step back, plan, and strategise how best to apply my time and resources. But overall things are quite good, and it’s very exciting for me to see some of the new faces and hear about their progress. Good things are happening, in due time yes, but also finally. Although hey, you can’t appreciate the spring unless you’ve been through the winter.

The focus of CrossFit for the week was prepping for the upcoming team competition since all the events have now been announced. Although the movement standards keep changing: we practiced one workout where I had to do 100 pushups, and then the day after we practiced the movement standards changed to make the standard easier for women (you don’t have to push up in a straight line but can push up to knees first then raise the knees: WAY easier).

Oddly enough after the rest week my double-unders all of a sudden dramatically improved and I can now string a couple together in a row when I get the rhythm right. I was getting quite annoyed that I was stagnating here. It’s a simple thing but it’s not the sort of thing you can just muscle your way through. Continuing to work on that, and soon my overhead squat because as I was pointing out today, that my power snatch exceeds my overhead squat and by a significant margin means I have some work to do. But this is a good example of how sometimes relaxing things can make all the difference in the world.

What’s also quite cool is seeing how you can improve without practicing something: I did a workout with chest-to-bar pullups and as recently as 2 months ago if I exceeded about 10 in a workout I would often get quite tired, start having missed reps where my chest wouldn’t actually touch the bar, etc. In this workout I managed 30 in 7 minutes (alternated with thrusters: we did last year’s sectional workout 11.6). More to the point, not a single missed rep. So I was happy. Not so happy the next day when I couldn’t push press to save my life, and my handstand pushups were pathetic.

This week was the Commonwealth Games and Africa regional weightlifting champs, and Mona was competing. She finished third and second in her weight division, respectively. 77kg snatch and 105kg clean & jerk. Quite impressive if you ask me. I can’t even front squat 77kgs, let alone 105. Sheesh. Anyhow it was exciting to go watch her compete, and then she brought the Welsh team to our gym Saturday so we got to watch them lift and they got to watch my WOD with some amusement (I was doing squat cleans, rope climbs, and handstand pushups).

The rest of the weekend was quite chilled: I went apartment hunting. I think I’ve found a place I like, which I’ll talk about more once I’m sure I’m moving to it. What else did I do? Went grocery shopping, and stocked up on rehydration packs, various kinds of seeds, and athletic tape. After all the craziness of the week, and the Daisies last weekend I just did not want to see ANYONE at all, not even almost. So I stayed a hermit and slept, and it was awesome.

Sunday I met my team in Sea Point for first a 500m run that we did way too fast, then some pool work. One of the events from the upcoming competition is that the team must swim 200m (although not all team members must swim), then the team must perform 80 ‘in and outs’ where each one consists of a pair of people jumping in, submerging their heads in water, and climbing back out. I was getting a bit of a kick out of this because I swam about 40m, decided I was tired and was going to stop, then our team proceeded to practice jumping in and getting out over and over and over again. The other swimmers were looking at us like we were a bit crazy which, let’s face it, we kind of are.

Happily I was feeling a bit more social today so I met Roland for lunch and rugby at Sandbar, then Charlotte for coffee & hammocks at the Twelve Apostles.

Now I am busy moving files from my Dell to my new HP, that I have finally managed to get set up to my satisfaction.

Oh, speaking of satisfaction: I discovered that the root of my shoulder mobility issue is actually in my chest (pecs). So my elbow hurts because my shoulder is tight because my chest is tight. Go figure. I got some great drills for that although it’s painful as all get-out. I also went to see a woman this week who specialises in muscle activation. She discovered that some of my core muscles (I forget their names) were so tight that I was literally not breathing correctly. All my breathing was in my upper chest and not enough was into my stomach area. I could force myself to do it but since it was constricted unless I paid attention it wouldn’t happen. That is now, maybe not fixed, but significantly improved. Now THAT is my kind of physical therapy.

I am also now experimenting with intermittent fasting whereby I don’t eat until about 1 or 2pm every day and then try and finish all my eating within the next 8 hours. I’m still digging through the research on it, but as I’m trying to play with different sorts of eating patterns and tracking performance and how I look and feel, I’m giving this one a try. So far I feel quite good. Although it’s easy to mess it up a bit i.e. by not eating enough at your last meal of the day so that you feel hungry again. But practice makes perfect.

Not feeling particularly energetic today but that’s about par for the course these last few days. I’ll get some sleep and try and make the next blog post a bit more interesting.

• “Being able to think on your feet and being prepared are two different things.” – Ellie
• “Tactical and strategic are not synonyms.” – Jo
• “I still can’t speak Afrikaans.” “Neither can they!” – Ellie & Jaco
• “If you’ve got time to talk or smile you can be moving faster.” – Chris
• “No WAY!” – Laila (I’m guessing she’d never seen a girl do chest-to-bar pullups before but I found this hilarious because I’m not used to incredulity in the middle of a workout!)

Daisy Craze

Yeah, Rocking the Daisies was pretty crazy. So was Walking the Daisies. But the week prior was also crazy in its own small way, and it sure doesn’t seem to be getting any easier from here on out.

Without going into too much detail, it should be relatively obvious that I spend my days spread out amongst a huge number of things. That’s part of the reason I don’t go into too much detail: explaining what I’m doing without the context of why is challenging. But last week I did something I generally never do which is to say that I pretty much worked on one thing and one thing only (not entirely true: Wednesday I spent about 2 hours going over plans for deliverables for the next week with our crop of interns). It was good, in a way, to be able to say no to anyone who wanted anything because I needed to focus on one thing. It was also incredibly difficult and mentally draining to do hardcore cerebral work multiple hours a day (Tuesday was a 10-hour day) with very little break or interruption. By Pecha Kucha Tuesday evening I very nearly fell asleep.

For better or worse, it was also a rest week. Probably for the better because the way my mind was tired there was no way on earth I would have been able to train effectively and I was already suffering from some mental and physical burnout, as doubly evidenced by waking up with a cold Friday morning. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Rocking the Daisies is a big music festival held in the middle of bloody nowhere north of Cape Town. It was actually a giant dustball. But you can’t very well call your concert Dustball, or Rocking the Dust, so Rocking the Daisies was picked even though there wasn’t a single daisy that I saw at the festival. Luckily I saw plenty on the way there, as you can see from the pictures.

Figured better a photo essay than an actual essay. Suffice to say that 100 of us plus a hardy band of organisers met bright and early on a Thursday morning, packed our bags into a transport vehicle, and proceeded to hoof it 20km the first day along the beach to a camp site, and 30km the next day walking from the beach inland to the festival. This was done, now for the fourth year running, to raise awareness about lowering our carbon footprint. It would be interesting to have an environmental assessment done on the actual event, and I was talking with one of the people who helped organise about how it would actually be much more hardcore if you had to pack EVERYTHING you would need rather than arrive at a camp site where tents were already pitched, dinner was going to be cooked for you, etc.

Having said all that, it was quite an experience. You can watch a video of our craziness here, set, of course, because Cape Town is just that small, to a Jeremy Loops classic. This video even contains a shot of me about to drink something very much not paleo. Fun time, great experience, but I don’t think I’d do it again: my feet took a pounding and I was so tired on Friday night that I listened to Two Minute Puzzle and went to bed. Also, walking is way harder than running. I would so much rather have run 30km from the beach inland than walked. But I met some very interesting people and didn’t get any blisters or major injuries. OR sunburn, for that matter. I was bummed to wake up Friday morning with a sore throat, though, but then again this frequently happens when I get very stressed out and then relax: the body takes its turn to get ill. I’m actually still sick, believe it or not. I blame the dust. 

At the actual event, everyone camped. I stayed in a multi-person tent with some of the other walkers, and their friends who had the ingenious idea of hanging a sign to indicate where we were. Legend. It was actually a great spot: about 5 minutes walk from water and maybe 3 minutes walk from the Daisy Den which was a tent put up by Brutal Fruit that allowed in women only and had clean toilets, soap, running water, and, most importantly, hot showers. I cannot tell you what a fan of Brutal Fruit I was Friday night.

Saturday morning I discovered that I am not so much of a princess that I’m willing to wait in a line of 50 people for a shower, so I just went to the dam where everyone was sunbathing and swimming, and did the same. Worked for me. It was hot: I think maybe 36 C which is, apparently, about 100 F. Yeah that explains why I was so damn hot. I was literally getting in the water every 20 minutes or so. I finally had the bright idea that if I got in the water with my clothes on, they would stay wet for longer than my skin and thereby keep me cool. Yeah, I’m not from a hot climate obviously.

The music for me started when Jeremy played at 2pm. That was cool. Of course.

There are two Jeremy moments I am sure I will never forget: when I first met him (because it was funny), and when I first heard him play (because it was amazing). Maybe this one will be up there too, when I first realised the dude was properly famous.

Afterwards, I saw a whole bunch of cool shit. aKING (rock) was fantastic, Nomadic Orchestra (difficult to define) played amazingly, I experienced some authentic kwaito from Joburg, Killer Robot (?? Geez not even sure … electronic but not sure how to categorize) was something to behold, Lark was hauntingly beautiful with matching music videos.

But the standout event of the evening was this Israeli band called Boom Pam. Oh my goodness. I listen to a lot of music. But THIS may have been the best musical performance I have ever heard in my entire life. And I was so significantly overstimulated at that point and my feet hurt and I was sick that I remember thinking how much more awesome it would have been if it had been the only thing on that evening. Seriously, guys, if they are ever in your town or anywhere near, check them out. Oh, and the drummer was pretty seriously hot. I remember also joking to Keith that the problem with most musicians is that they are often overweight and even the ones who aren’t seriously are lacking in muscle tone (yes, CrossFit has spoiled me for life). Well, not the lead of this band.

Anyway I was feeling so beat at this point that I did not want to spend another night in a tent and wake up to extreme heat and crowds of people. So I grabbed my stuff and carpooled home with Keith. My bed never looked so appealing. I slept most of Sunday. Which is less impressive when you realise I went to bed at 3:26am.

The Springboks lost their quarterfinal match to Australia in the rugby World Cup which was a major bummer. My day got better though because I went to a dinner party down in Constantia, on an Octoberfest theme. The food was great, there were three different kinds of mustard and two different kinds of Riesling, and the company was also fab.

Those of you not in South Africa may not know any of this but there was a whole hubbub about how the South African government “didn’t manage” to get the Dalai Lama a visa in time for him to visit here (geez you should have heard the official media statements I tell you what ….). The Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu are apparently old friends, so since politics prohibited the two from meeting in person they met online for Tutu’s80th birthday via Google+ Hangout. Quite cool.

I think it may also have been my first al fresco dining experience in recent memory. It’s nice that you can now eat outside and can leave the gym at 8pm without having to put on additional layers. But it does feel very strange for it to be spring in October, I tell you what. I was waxing lyrical about the New England fall and spring to a girl I met on the walk. So if my current career doesn’t work out I may try again as a poet. Because goodness knows that pays well.

Speaking of pay (well, not really), I was having a discussion about happiness. A lot of people seem to strive towards something and think they will be happy if only they achieve X, or date Y, or drive car Z, or make some amount of money. Or win the CrossFit Games. Or whatever. But obviously those goal posts often shift. I find the whole “it’s not having what you want it’s wanting what you’ve got” a bit trite to be honest because sometimes what you have might really suck and it’s not actually ok to be complacent about that. And then there’s the whole school of thought about whether or not we “deserve” to be “happy.” Which I think is also garbage.

So to me, happiness is about being on a path you are comfortable with and feeling that things are moving in a positive direction rather than a negative one. Because nature abhors a vaccum of course, so things are unlikely ever to be completely stagnant although it might sometimes feel that way. To positive progress, then. I guess most aspects of my life are moving in a positive direction although of course others are stuck a bit in the mud. But that’s all right too I guess. Acceptance.

Super busy at work this week because I essentially took a week off from my normal job to work on the document I had to write and then the two days actual vacation to walk. Lots of new people, new projects, and new energy in the office. It feels really really good. The CrossFit world is also heating up with some intense team strategy sessions and practice workouts in advance of the competition at the end of the month. Because our team is super competitive, which is cool. Monday night, despite the cold, I did the baseline for our current challenge. I was feeling not too particularly hot about my performance physically although, to be fair, the mind was 100% focused which was very very good. Then I compared my scores to some of the top boys in the gym and started feeling a bit better about myself. Until Andrew Martin came along and cleaned all of our clocks. I’m getting more and more excited for next year’s CrossFit Games all the time.

Oh! And lest I forget, Kerry and I discovered that there is a good Mexican restaurant in Cape Town. Menu’s a bit limited but for what they have, it’s the real deal. Completely not paleo but good for a treat every once in a blue moon. Now all I need is to find some good Sichuan cooking and I’ll be all set. Because are there any problems that can’t be solved by Jin Gu fish fillets?

·         “I don’t know if you know how much we appreciate you. But we do.” – Mandy

·         “The thing with emerging markets is that it’s impossible to get away from practice.” – Joh

·         “If you won’t eat your own dogfood, how do you expect anyone else to?” – Ellie

·         “It’s very worrying when *you* start a message that way, I must say.” – Keith 

·         “How am I supposed to write this document without alcohol? It’s not going to be possible.” – Ellie

·         “Parasites just find environments that they can suck off of and then they go on their way.” – Peter

·         “When you ask someone to bring a salad to your place for a braai, some people will go out of their way to make a really good salad. And some people will just go to Woolworths and buy something for 32 bucks that is floppy.” – Peter

·         “We didn’t want to break the internet.” – visiting Googler

·         “I don’t have a car because you can’t copy & paste it.” – George

·         “More stupid than strange.” – Khululwa

·         “What I want doesn’t exist.” – Ellie (acceptance….)

·         “No you haven’t won yet but there’s also no pressure on you guys. … Because you need to win.” – Jobst (wins the award for non-sensical comment of the week)

Buttercup Princess

I’ve been reading a book called On Being Certain that is making me much more comfortable with uncertainty. The blurb I was reading the other night talked about Charles Darwin, and how he had essentially concluded that it was impossible to conclude one way or the other if there was such a thing as God. Makes a lot of sense, actually. Our brains are wired to see patterns, and so we see patterns where none exist. Our brains want there to be an answer, or an explanation for things, so we assign labels to thinks that maybe just are.

Bellinda, in the middle of manhandling me early Friday morning (speaking of which, the words you most do not want to hear from your masseuse? “You’re quite f*cked, actually. Sorry.”), gave me an insight into one of my gym mates that was quite welcome. Sometimes it is that outside perspective to give us a new insight, or remind us of something that we already knew.

The end of last week was quite a bit much like that: discussing things we kind of already knew but now need to take to the next step of committing to paper and to plan. In quite a couple areas actually: some market research questionnaires that are near completion, some research objectives, a long call it tactical take on how to build the Hub as a business, some HR stuff … it’s cool that things we’ve been working on are getting to the point where the deliverables are almost done to my satisfaction. Completion is a nice feeling.

Another thing that’s a nice feeling is rest. This next week coming up is a rest week: I train Monday and take the rest of the week off (60km walk Thursday/Friday I am counting as active rest). I need it. My body is tight, and sore, and I’m mentally and physically too tired to go all out in my CrossFit workouts. So the scheduled rest cycle is well timed. This is how I know I need a rest week: when I actually WANT to take a rest week, and am actively looking forward to it. Did manage to have some good fun last week though: Chris gave me a good tip on my cleans (my knee was feeling tender so I was doing power cleans), and after one of his adjustments my 53kg bar flew up so high it nearly hit me in the chin! I am actually quite enjoying all the Olympic lifting, I just wish I had more time to practice it. Friday was also quite cool, when I managed a bodyweight front squat, not an insignificant accomplishment when I realise that my lower back was insanely sore from repetitive power cleans a few days before.

Re-measured my body fat and it’s about the same as it was a few months back, which means I’m at a pretty decent equilibrium. Considering that I essentially eat as much as I want so long as it’s paleo, that’s not too bad. Next up is to try and see what happens to performance if I can drop it a little bit.

I have also managed some huge improvement in my elbows and shoulder from the pressure point work I’ve been doing with the yellow and black balls of pain.

This weekend was FutureFit, and a whole bunch of parties on Saturday night. I was just saying the other day how you get out of FutureFit what you put into it, and maybe I didn’t put as much into it this time for some reason. The subjects were personal branding, social media, and then we went through the fun exercise of doing a vision board. I feel in some ways like I didn’t learn as much as I had in the other two blocks but there were a couple thought-provoking things.

Firstly, the concept that we are the aggregate of the 7 people closest to us. Not sure I necessarily believe in that as such, but it is true I think that we tend to resemble the people we spend time with. I did actually think of the 7 people I spend the most time with or I feel the closest to, and am now thinking about whether or not those are the right people. Do they influence me in a good way? Is their energy a positive energy or a draining energy?

I was reminded of the recurring theme that emotions are neither good nor bad but exist merely to allow us to have some insights into what is going on in our subconscious. I was recently angry about something and was saying how I wanted just to embrace that anger and let it burn out because I felt that anger was an appropriate feeling to be having. I guess this is healthy.

My sense of myself is that I am very genuine in that what you see is what you get. I don’t put on a different face at work or at the gym or when out to dinner with my friends. Yes there are things I hide and things I’m insecure about and the little white lies I tell. But what is not actually clear to me is if people perceive me as I perceive myself. You never know just how you look through other people’s eyes. So I want to think about a way to ask, and find out. And maybe I’ll find that for some people, what I aspire to be in my own head they already see me as. Or the reverse. You just never know until you ask.

From the feedback I got in writing at the session, it looks like there is a pretty high consistency, which makes me happy. One of my favourite quotes was Elize, reading the back of my t-shirt (it said ‘Suck it up Buttercup’), saying that she thought of me that way, just having an attitude of ‘Well, ok, then, let’s get on with it.’ Not in a harsh way, just matter of fact. That’s a description I’m comfortable with. I would always rather be called diligent than smart, and pretty on the inside than pretty on the outside. Not that I don’t also want to be called smart and pretty, my ego needs stroking just like everyone else.

Come to think of it, we’re all insecure. Every single damn one of us. It’s just a question of to what degree, in what area(s), and how we go about hiding it.

That’s why I not-so-secretly love my nickname. Although some of the baggage that comes along with it … well, hell, it is what it is. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Another thing I more completely realised this weekend was the degree to which I really do like people. Often my instinct at work is to take a meeting offline and go work on something myself and bring it back to the group when it’s 80% done and ready for review. But actually, I do my best work when in a group trying to solve a problem, or talk through an issue, or work on something together. We had to write up a description of ourselves for an exercise and this is what I came up with: ‘I really really like people, and experiences, and I dislike mediocrity and boredom. I tackle big challenges and I get stuff done, with people, and have fun at the same time.’

It’s strange because I actually started it by writing about what I do, but then I realised it was actually all about how I feel. Reminds me of the thing I shared with the group in the first session, where we were meant to say something that no one knew about is that would surprise the group and mine was that I really did care what other people thought.

Choices. What else is life, right? With whom do we spend our time? What do we put in our bodies? Do we adore what we do? How do we actually spend our time? Is it the best use of our short time on earth that it can be?

I am now going to sleep. I only got 6 hours of sleep last night, which is not enough. The evening started with a braai up at Babett’s (I went off paleo but man the malva pudding was good….), had a great time and met some super cool people. Afterwards I went down to the Harley Davidson Club of Cape Town to watch a Johnny Cash tribute concert. This featured a band called Taxi Violence who I had heard of but had not heard and oh my goodness. It reminds me of the time I first heard Jeremy Loops play when I think my jaw hit the floor and had to be retrieved about 10 minutes later. I was standing there in this club literally spellbound. I will definitely be hearing those guys again. The show finished about 12:30am, at which point I headed over to the Swing Royale party which was rocking amazingly well and the swing band was just great. I can’t wait for the next one, when hopefully I can attend all evening long. But long story short, I got insufficient sleep and, after all, for a rest week to have its intended effect I must actually rest.

·         “You don’t party on wine because it’s a hell of a hangover.” – Johan (hmmmm….)

·         “Both.” – Jobst

·         “I think my pronunciation is changing.” “To be more South African?” “Yes.” “Good.” “What? Did you just say ‘good??’!!!” – Ellie & Nathan

·         “Nothing in life is ever achievable if we are scared to step out of our cradle and take that first step.” – Ronnie

·         “I’m delighted that the future is in your hands.” – Michelle

·         “You don’t have butter or coconut oil? What DO you have?” – Ellie

·         “There goes my plan.” – Jeremy

·         “There’s more to be accomplished hunting in a pack.” – Gary