Waging war

Glass half empty or glass half full?

When I was in college (before I dropped out, ha!) there was a friend of ours. No need to name names, because it’s not really important. But the thing that made him memorable, more so than all the other friends to have come and gone over the years is that he was extremely negative. And how!!

It didn’t seem to matter the subject. The football team lost, and they were all a bunch of losers. You did well on your math test? Well good thing, it’ll bring up your average from that disastrous Spanish exam. You lost weight? Wait until after the weekend. New boyfriend? We’ll see how long that lasts. Actually, it was poisonous. It was mostly notable for just how bad it was, in retrospect.

I mean, look: we can all be positive at times and negative at times, right? We’re human, we’re well-balanced (some more than others). I have always thought that I’m a realist … sure I can be cynical as hell, but not for no reason. Doug says I’m the epitome of enthusiastic, and this is why I’ll be successful. Hell if I know.

What I have discovered these last few weeks is that I’m a lot more negative than I would wish to be. Whether it’s a customer, a vendor, a political situation, an unfair criticism, or even someone else I feel is being too negative, I bitch. And moan. OK maybe it’s not quite that bad but I sure as heck do make my disdain known. And you know what? I don’t really dig that about myself. I would much rather be the one who says nothing rather than say something not nice … unless it’s REALLY justified.

So. With this new awareness, I’m going to do the only thing one can in the circumstance, which is to do my very best to wage war on my own negativity. Which, come to think of it, is going to have to translate to other areas of my life as well. I tell you, I was feeling pretty down on myself Friday when I couldn’t squat snatch to save my life and then, to add insult to injury, I did a prowler push/at ox jump/ring row workout that I recall kicking my ass last July at CrossFit Diablo. Well, it did so again. So much so that after my first prowler push I went to jump on the box, landed, and my legs collapsed. I am not at all sure how it is that I didn’t hurt myself badly.

Speaking of injury, one of the guys from our gym was nearly paralysed this week while body surfing. And if that’s not terrifying I don’t know what is. He’s recovering well but it’s horrible … last time I saw him we were doing a workout right next to each other. Reminds me of that poet soul Malcolm Hart … saw him at a Thai restaurant in Berkeley, said I’d call him, two weeks later he was dead and I was inconsolable. Just goes to show … be careful what you take for granted.

There is so much beauty and gentleness in this world to go alongside all the ugly and hate and prejudice. I know what side of that I want to come down on.

So then Saturday, my last training day of 2012, I was planning to go to the Cape CrossFit beach workout. But I woke up, looked at the workout and decided I didn’t feel like doing it (and that it might hurt my back), so I slept in, had a beautiful brunch with Sam, went home and packed, and went to the Virgin Active to lift some heavy weights and do another crazy workout …. Overhead squats, bear crawls, kettlebell snatches, bar-facing burpees … but before that I decided to lift some weights, starting with 1 rep max back squat, which is something I hadn’t tested in a while due to back injury, mainly.

Well, I hit a solid PR at 108kgs and it felt really, REALLY easy. Then I kind of lost my head space by chatting to the guys next to me, but I feel like I had another 5kgs in me. Next time.

So, the last two work days of 2012 were pretty quiet, as happens. I had a somewhat depressing lunch on Thursday followed by an ass-kicking of a workout that night, followed by a conference call with one of my favourite Wi-Fi boys, which made me really excited again. It’s amazing what outlook and enthusiasm will do.

As I wrap up 2012 and look forward to 2013, it’s that old time when we look at the old and ring in the new, but I’ve always said I hate New Years resolutions. I think they are stupid because you always break them and set yourself up to fail. So I don’t make resolutions I don’t plan on keeping, but what I will say is that my new focus on combatting my tendencies towards negativity and bitching and moaning is something that has already started and that I will do my best to continue in the new year.

Not that I won’t still bitch. I sure as heck will. Some people and some situations require it. I’ll just do so more consciously.

As I finish writing this post I’ve arrived back to my parents’ house in Vermont. Due to my trans-Atlantic flight being 45 minutes late I missed my connecting flight at 5:30pm and the next flight was meant to be 10:45 but wound up leaving some time around 1:30am. I’m not even sure. I was delirious with fatigue. I was literally drinking to stay awake, but I met some cool people, including a Brittany Murphy look-alike who wanted to swap her New Orleans ticket for my Burlington ticket (I did think about it).

You only live once.

• “It started at a bar.” “Doesn’t everything?” – Rudolph & Ellie
• “I’m done playing in the kiddie pool.” – Jalal
• “I can only imagine your frustration with forced inactivity.” – Steven
• “Nine months is just not acceptable.” – Zach
• “You do realise what you’ve built is their wet dream, right?” – Ellie
• “Wait, so you’re saying they didn’t trust you because you weren’t dodgy enough?” – Tim
• “I don’t care about Cisco. But you can’t make fun of Rocky!” – Roland
• “Who the devil is Meraki?” – Roland
• “Geez, what are we going to do then?” – Tim
• “It’s funny what we define as fun. Most normal people would look at you and say ‘You’re crazy!’” – Ryan
• “Well, maybe you shouldn’t be reading the rule book.” – Hes
• “That’s more than you squatted hey.” – Pieter
• “Of course it matters.” – Pieter
• “That looks fake!” “No, dude, it’s Carl Paoli!” “But it looks fake!” “No, dude, it’s Carl Paoli!” – Ellie & Chad